Hi. I am a woman in my thirties and my husband and I have been thinking about having a threesome for a long time. We have finally decided to try it, and have found someone that we both like. I am excited, but also nervous! Do you have any advice for first timers? Also, I confided in a friend of mine about this and she said that something must be missing in our relationship if we are considering letting a third party in our bedroom. But our relationship is great, better than it's ever been! She made me feel a bit insecure. She basically implied that swingers can't really love their husband/wife/life partner and still crave sex with someone else. But I think there is a difference between love and sex. Could you please share your thoughts with me? Also, in your opinion what is the best way to meet potential mates? Swing clubs, strip clubs, swingers magazines etc Thank you very much for your time. I appreciate it.
Good for the two of you for having an open mind in your relationship. It's typical for newcomers to be nervous about their first threesome/foursome/moresome ! The first time my wife and I attended a Lifestyle club both of us were very nervous because we didn't know what to expect. After we went through the tour and had a little time to settle in we were totally comfortable.
As for your friend, the Lifestyle isn't for everyone. Some people subscribe to the philosophy that marriage means you can/should only have sex with your spouse. Old school thinking if you ask me. A marriage is a bond between two people who are in love with each other. You give your soul to your spouse. Sex is a physical act between people for the purpose of providing pleasure (and lots of it if your partner is good!) There's nothing wrong with opening your relationship to other people. Now, that being said I do have some 'ground' rules for you:
1) Have a open and honest conversation with your spouse. Discuss the rules, boundaries, comfort zones, etc.
2) STICK TO THE GROUND RULES ! Don't let the heat of the moment move either of you into areas that you agreed were off limits. After your first night both of you will need some time to process what has happened. After such time have another conversation and figure out each other's comfort zone.
3) Have a discreet signal you can pass to each other if either are uncomfortable. My wife and I will pat the back of our wrist like we are signaling it's time to go.
Participation in the Lifestyle can bring a fun and exciting aspect to a relationship providing the relationship is healthy and has good, open and honest lines of communication. Participating in the Lifestyle will not fix a defective relationship.
Good luck, have fun and write back after your adventure !