Adult Swinging/A really confused wife!!
I am from India, belong to an Indian family, now settled in Taiwan.I am aged-40.Married with two kids. I am very fit and quite attractive( so my friends say!) The problem is, that my husband clicks and also makes our sex tapes sometimes, he must have so many pics by now. But, i feel that he shows it to his best friend who is a banker sometimes. I am also quite fond of his friend, as he is a sweet soul and a good guy, but am not attracted to him. Anyways, When i asked him, he denies ever showing it to him. But its a woman's intuition that tells me he does. It strangely arouses me somehow, but i dont wanna have sex with his friend. Am i abnormal to get excited or aroused by this? Do other women also get turned on knowing that their husbands/bf's show their private pics to best friends? Pls help...am really confused. Is this normal?"
Yes, there is a difference between being a Woman's Intuition and hard cold Facts!! But I know it as a fact now, I know the secret folder where my husband stores these pics/movies in, for which, he has used a strong 3rd party software/application and password protected it. But just the other day, his friend had come over and was using his computer,( my husband was in the shower) and opened that very folder so easily!! All tho the computer screen was angled away from me, but i could tell by the opening sound that software makes when it opens/closes thru the computer speakers! I was really confused and yet excited in a very strange way. It is a very conflicting gamut of emotions which I am experiencing. I am in no way an exhibitionist or a voyeur( ok, maybe not in the true sense of the word, I do like wearing tight tops, or short skirts, with thongs underneath, as it makes me feel sexy and also as my husband really likes me in them. But that's the limit of my exhibitionism.) I was raised in a very conservative Indian family, so my sexual liberation or my sexuality was kind of molded by those values/morals. So it did shock me first, when my husband wanted to click my pics or make sextapes, but after sometime, i used find it arousing as well, thinking my husband is away on some tour and right now, lying in his bed in some strange hotel, but looking at my pictures and masturbating( That was the line of reasoning he first gave me to convince me of letting him take such pics!). But, never in my wildest dreams, did i ever think, he would be showing it to his best buddy.( They are childhood school friends, and were in the hostel together for 10 years. So, really old friends and have known each other since they were 12 years old!!) Although, I have known his friend now for 15 years post our marriage, so he is very familiar and I genuinely like him a lot, but till date, never saw him in any other light. He too sometimes, refuses to look me in the eye, or look a wee bit nervous, almost guilty even! But to tell you the truth, I did recently started daydreaming or fantasizing about him in bed with me!! Which further confuses me, coz, this is so wrong! These thoughts! yet, so exciting and arousing!! I feel as if I am already cheating on my husband by having these thoughts! It goes against the grain of my upbringing and moral values, but I cant seem to help myself. Am I a deviant personality? Is this some sort of disorder within"
Re: A Really Confused Wife
First things first I would like to say that it is perfectly normal to fantasize. Regardless of what those fantasies entail, it is perfectly normal. Social acceptability really varies from country to country, and this can make people feel guilty, abnormal or even deviant in their behavior. You asked if other women get turned on knowing that their husbands share their private pictures with friends. This is a person by person scenario, but in my experiences I would say YES! By him sharing the pictures, that is him saying to his friends “My wife is SEXY!” and by his friends wanting to look, that is their way of saying “You have something that I want!”. This is the epitome of sexy! You SHOULD feel aroused knowing that so many people find you sexy enough to want to see you naked!
In regards to the friend (we will call him “Roger” for ease of speak) who was looking at your pictures while the husband was in the shower, I would ask your husband about that. If he did in fact give him the password to the files, then he will answer it truthfully if he thinks you already know! Approach him in a non-threatening, non-accusing manner. A question such as “Does “Roger” happen to know the password to my pictures? I think he may have been looking at them. I won't be mad, I was just wondering.” If it turns out that he did in fact give “Roger” the password, ask him why? If he says it was because he wanted to show you off, then by all means be excited! It's ok to press a little for answers here, but don't over do it as it could lead to an unwanted argument.
As far as you fantasizing about “Roger” that is perfectly normal. Even if you feel you aren't sexually attracted to him! The thought of another man seeing you naked because they WANT to, is enough to create many fantasies in your head. There is nothing wrong with you, and there is nothing wrong with being sexually adventurous. The idea of monogamy is a religious belief that is instilled in most of us from the day we are born, therefore fantasies are deemed immoral or wrong.
Within any marriage communication is EXTREMELY important. Everything from what's for dinner, to sexual fantasies. If you bottle up your fantasies and he bottles up his, then chances are it will result in cheating, because someone will go outside the boundaries of marriage to fulfill them. There is nothing wrong with adding spice or flavor to the bedroom, even if that is sometimes an additional person. There is nothing wrong with having a little sexual fun! Voyeurism, Exhibitionism, Swinging, or Bondage! Whatever it is that turns you on, life is too short to not enjoy it. If you get turned on by the thought of people watching you, or seeing you (even if only a little) maybe talk to your husband and see if the feeling is mutual. If it turns out that he gets turned on by the thought of people seeing you naked, you could possibly be opening up a whole new adventure for the two of you to enjoy!
I hope we were able to help you out here, with your questions and feelings. It is PERFECTLY normal to experience the feelings you are feeling in this type of situation. Do not feel as if you are wrong, or immoral for having them. That is just an old world society imposing it's beliefs on a sexually free woman! If you have ANY other questions feel free to follow-up with more information.
Jenn & Jeff