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Adult Swinging/He has experience, I dont and he wants to swing again


My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 6 months now and are both very happy in our relationship. In his prior relationships he used to swing all the time and that caused the demise of his last one that was 6+ years because she went over board. I on the other hand have always been cheated on so I admit I'm very insecure on this issue. We are very happy with our sex life and arent shy with anything of that topic.   Well the other night his best friend and his wife who are also swingers asked us to join in on the fun and hes all for it. I guess my issue is am I wrong that I'm on the fence with this thing? ever since we've ben seeing each other I have never wanted to stray in the least but. I'm afraid hes gonna have the fun as I'm more than happy with just him and that might in time ruin the relationship. And that its gonna be  an often thing and we'll lose our intimacy .  I never knock anything before I try it so im willing to try it once in the safety of his best friends home. im just afriad of the long term effects as ive been cheated on and am very wary already before this offer. I just dont want to lose the intimacy because we are very happy currently and its been over 5 years since ive been this happy. I have been looking up online about swinging and im all for same room sex but the swap thing is whats holding me up.

Heya, I apologize for the delay in getting back to you.  It's good that you are open minded enough to experiment and try new things, however don't let that "force" you into something you aren't comfortable with.

The idea of a swinging relationship is to enhance the sex and intimacy you feel with each other.  If that starts to deviate, or if either of you start growing closer to someone other than your other half, STOP.  

It is understandable that you are a bit insecure on the issue of swinging due to your past, however swinging is a totally different game than cheating if done properly.  To touch on swinging, I would suggest finding a different couple for that first time experience.

A common misconception is that friends make it safe & easy.  Friends CAN be just that, but they can be the total opposite as well.  They can unintentionally push you into things you aren't comfortable doing through a friendship, or it can totally ruin a friendship if things go bad during that first time.

I would say take it slow.  Go to a couples club and check out the scene.  Mix & Mingle with others, and see how you feel about interacting with others, as well as others interacting with him.  Go slow, and have fun.  Swinging doesn't have to be a full time thing, you can do it once or twice, or 3 times a year, if that's how you see fit to be involved.

If you are insecure about the path this could lead you down, then by all means don't do it.  You have to be secure in your relationship to have fun in swinging.  Otherwise, it turns into a one sided adventure.

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Jenn & Jeff


We can answer questions based on introduction to swinging, what to expect in the lifestyle, swinger clubs, etiquette, and pretty much anything else. We can offer insight based on cheaters, safe sex, and multiple partners. What if only 1 half is interested? We can answer that too.


We have been involved in the lifestyle for over 2 years, as well as Sexperts for California Exotics. We run an adult based blog, where we offer news and articles based on sexual health and relationships.


We have no educational credentials, but we do have first hand knowledge and experience.

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