Adult Swinging/Feelings after swinging.


First off I should say that we have been in the lifestyle for about 6 or 7 months. We started real slow and did the couples date thing a few times. Then did same room sex but with each other not others. We then went to a club for a Halloween party. We had fun and she did some soft swap with another bi curious girl. We talked about everything that happened after each time and we decided that we were ready for full. We did full at a sls party, all though the couple was not our perfect match physically they were super nice and took it slow for us. We had some rules set and the two main ones were no kissing and protection. A girl kissed me and I stopped it but was not fast enough. Then when we were swinging we had a miss communication and she forgot protection. So then I did not use any either. After we talked and got it worked out. But now I am having trouble getting my brain to stop. It keeps going back to the party. Both the good and the bad. Is this normal for the first time? I do not feel jealous as much as worried that we are going to change from this and become other people. People that are no longer right for each other. Does this happen sometimes? We love each other so much and want to continue to swing, but I (not she) am worried. Also we wanted this to be all about us, We both are very attractive and were even told that we were the hottest couple at the party. But, it seems to be more about her than me when it comes to other people showing us attention. Is swinging like this everywhere or is it just the club we picked? Or is swinging really more about the girls than being an equal oppertunity employer so to speak? Also any advice on how to speak up to other couples when they suggest doing things we are not comfy with. Like when we swang we wanted to look at each others eyes during but they wanted him and her on the bed and me on his wife on the couch. We want to continue and would appreciate it if you could give us some advice to keep us on the right track. Also any advice on how to handle the two rules broken or to prevent it from happening again?

First let me start off by scolding you.  If you set rules, you stick by those rules.  If one person breaks a rule, it doesn't make it ok for the other to intentionally break a rule.  2 wrongs do not make a right.  Future reference; if you have the rules in play and someone "forgets" you need to reevaluate your rules because they obviously were not very important.

Now to get into the meat of the question.  Yes, it is always about her.  Always.  Always has been, always will be.  90% of the Men are interested in the women.  65% of the women are in the lifestyle for a girl/girl experience.  Do that math.  Roughly 78% of everyone in the lifestyle is looking for a female.  So that make us (the guys) shit out of luck (so to speak).  But we suck it up, and ride our ladies coat-tails to fun and adventure!  A lot of women will flirt with the guys online, and in person, but mostly they are there to fulfill that desire to be with another woman.

As for speaking up to people about what you are comfortable with, just say no.  Don't sugar coat it, don't beat around the bush.  Just speak out up front and say 'here's our rules'.  If they don't like your rules they can find someone else to play with that night.  Don't ever compromise what you want in the lifestyle to make others happy, because it's not about them, it's about you and your other half.  In the example of them wanting to split you guys up, just say no.  Same room or same bed even, if they don't like that, tell em to move along.  

To prevent rules from being broken in the future you must:

    * Make rules together
    * Hold each other accountable
    * Make sure the rule are realistic and important
    * Don't throw rules out the window if 1 person screws up

If rules get broken, you should call it a night.  Go home and re-evaluate your rules, and experiences.  Don't just push on through and everyone do what they want.  That will be a relationship ender real quick and in a hurry.

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Jenn & Jeff


We can answer questions based on introduction to swinging, what to expect in the lifestyle, swinger clubs, etiquette, and pretty much anything else. We can offer insight based on cheaters, safe sex, and multiple partners. What if only 1 half is interested? We can answer that too.


We have been involved in the lifestyle for over 2 years, as well as Sexperts for California Exotics. We run an adult based blog, where we offer news and articles based on sexual health and relationships.


We have no educational credentials, but we do have first hand knowledge and experience.

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