Adult Swinging/unwanted lifestyle


Im writing because 3 months ago my Boyfriend of 5 years and I decided we would like to get involved with another girl. We found someone we liked (shes 37, hes 30 and Im 25)and decided we would just have a little fun. He an I had discussed that we were just going to have a little fun and I had stated I was not ok with them having intercourse and both of them agreed. 3 Months later he tells me that they had talked and they wanted to have sex. When I expressed that I was not ok with it still he got mad at me. I decided we all needed to talk about our needs and we sat down together to do so. She explained to me she thought we were in a relationship and she wanted to be equal in all aspects and out of no where he tells me he wanted that as well. I was the only one who had not been informed of this desired life style until now. After speaking with her we decided that its could not progress as I was not comfortable. we had decided in the beginning that this was a fling Now my boyfriend is very angry with me and does not want to talk to me. How can I approach this?

Hi Nicole,

One of the potential problems with swinging is that one of the partners wants more or less involvement.  I can create serious conflicts.  One of the basics of the lifestyle is that everyone involved must be in agreement. and fully aware.  From what you say, it seems to me that the other two have discussed their desires with out your involvement.  That is a no no.  He should have talked to you first because you are the couple.   And if your position is "no" that should have been the end.

How do you feel about the concept of swinging?   What about it interests you?  Why are you opposed to them having intercourse?  Are you interested in full swing with another couple or or a threesome with a single male or only a single women?  I suggest you give the whole concept some serious thought.  Then decide with what you are comfortable and why.

Then with your boyfriend discuss this. The girlfriend should not be part of this conversation. Make sure he understands exactly how you feel and why.  Before you get into this conversation, have an idea as to where and how you might be able to compromise.  He will have some different idea on the concept.

With threesomes there is a higher risk of attachments, especially if there is a prolonged series of encounters.  The risk is lower with couples mostly because they already have a partner and are not in the market.  If you are going to continue down the threesome tract,  I suggest you add some variety to the menu.

Good luck.  

Adult Swinging

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Tom Blair


Sex coaching. Published author. Questions related to swinging and alternative sexual life styles.


Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

©2017 All rights reserved.