Adult Swinging/Closing Pandora's Box


First let me say it is all my own doing and clearly my fault. Background: My wife and I have been monogamously married 24 years. I am 47 and she is 44 and we have 3 wonderful children all in college. The wife still has the figure of a woman in her 20's and she is very desirable. After our many years of marriage our sex life had become routine, predictable (twice sometimes 3 times a week and blowjobs only during red weeks)and nonetheless enjoyable. My company recently hired a woman executive at an equivalent position to myself. She is in her early 40's and divorced. She is extremely beautiful and my cock stands and salutes everytime she enters a room. Due to work situations we spend a lot of time together. Like most coworkers, we banter and joke around. Lately our teasing has taken a sexual nature. She has very nice legs and I find that she frequently shoots me crotch shots at meetings. Sometimes she doesn't wear panties. She knows exactly what she is doing as she smiles coyly and later in private asks if I got an eyeful. But, I am happily married. I really wanted to fuck this coworker and I think she would be down for it also. So I approached my wife with the idea of an open marriage. It took about 7 months to convince her. We started with inviting one of her male friends from her work and I joined them for a 3sum. When it came time for me to invite my coworker, I chickened out. I love my wife and fucking around is just not how I was raised. Monogamy is a core value of marriage to me. But, I created a monster. My wife loves fucking anyone that trips her fancy. We go into a restaurant and have a handsome waiter she will ask me if I could set her up with him. My once pure, reserved wife has turned into a fuck monster. I asked what happened to change her and she tells me she always had these feelings when she would see a handsome young man but she never felt free to act upon her urges as she was consrtained by the bounds of traditional marriage. An open marriage has freed her from those bounds and she is fucking mostly younger men regardless of race. She even had a gangbang. She tells me she enjoys being a slut. Likewise our sex life has never been better. No more one and done for me. She comes home with a pussy full of jizz and jumps my bones. When I roll off her to go to sleep, she tells me about fucking one of her boyfriends and I am rock hard pounding her again and again. This can go on all night. The only problem is I still can't get the images of her fucking other men out of my mind. It is driving me nuts. I cannot handle it. I have tried to tell her how much it hurts me to know that she is finding pleasure with other men. She assures me that I am still the love of her life and it is only sex with these other men. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel better! I point blank asked her to stop and she said no and if I forced her to stop it might drive a wedge in our relationship that would end in divorce. I can't go on like this and if she keeps fucking around, I know it will end in divorce. I still desperately love my wife. We have 3 kids and 24 years invested in this relationship. I know that my lust for my coworker opened Pandora's box with the suggestion of open marriage. But, I never followed through with it. Now how do I close Pandora's box and get my wife back. And yes I know that she will never be the same person that she was before this foray but I want the loving, caring, and most importantly monogamous wife and mother to come back to me.

Hello Duke,

Well, Yes, you did open a van of worms there.  I would point out that what you are describing is not really a swinging relationship.  Open relationships, in my opinion, are just permission to cheat.  A swinging relationship you should do everything and every one together. 3 somes, foursomes even orgies but both of you are involved.  

Now what to do to save your relationship.  You do need to have a heart to heart with her.  You need to explain how her having sex with other men makes you feel.  Is there a compromise you can work out.  Perhaps a limited number of men.  Or only when you are [present.  Perhaps you need to get in on some action.  Do you think you could have sex with another woman if your wife was there too, maybe involved in the scene?

You need to work this out because if you don't divorce is a sure thing in time.

Good luck

Adult Swinging

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Tom Blair


Sex coaching. Published author. Questions related to swinging and alternative sexual life styles.


Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

©2017 All rights reserved.