Adult Swinging/girlfriend with another woman


My girlfriend and I have discussed getting involved in a soft swap relationship.  Girl on girl and same room sex.  No contact between male and female of opposite sex.  The problem that occurred is she has began a texting/talking relationship with a couple but hasn't included me but has told them that I would want to be involved if anything happened.  This past weekend they met (she knew I wasn't able to be there when they met). After talking with them and deciding that she liked their personalities she then asked me to join them.  I felt welcomed by the female but not the male and had to force a conversation between me and him.  My question is am I wrong for feeling betrayed that she  arranged this meeting without me and to feel that she is not wanting to include me.

Hey Bryan,

I think that you are a little insecure in this situation.  Not that it is to be held against you in any way.  To feel betrayed that you weren't included in the meeting is a normal feeling, but on the opposite side of things, it was just a meet & greet.  It wasn't a hookup.  I do think she wants to include you in things, and that was shown when she made sure you were there joining them.  

It is not uncommon in the lifestyle for one or the other to initiate conversations, meet up and see how things go before involving the other half.  This happens a lot due to work and time restraints.

As for the male not making you feel welcome, it happens.  Unfortunately not everyone clicks.  It's usually 3 out of 4 that do.  If that is the case, I would move on and find another couple where everyone meshes well together.  I would guess (and this is only a guess) that he may have been a little upset with you, because you are looking for G/G soft swap, and not full swap.  A lot of couples ONLY want full swap and hope to change peoples minds about what they want.

The biggest issue I see here however is the lack of communication between you and your girlfriend.  You guys need to be on the same page.  Whether it be about how you meet people, or what you are looking for, or whatever.  Once you get that sorted out, things will seem a lot smoother, and the meetups like the one with this guy, will just roll off your back.

If you don't want her talking/texting with other couples unless you are there, tell her!  Same for meeting up to feel out the personalities.  The number 1 rule in the lifestyle is COMMUNICATION!  Keep that door open so you two can talk and all issues will almost solve themselves!

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Jenn & Jeff


We can answer questions based on introduction to swinging, what to expect in the lifestyle, swinger clubs, etiquette, and pretty much anything else. We can offer insight based on cheaters, safe sex, and multiple partners. What if only 1 half is interested? We can answer that too.


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