Adult Swinging/We've created a monster - and it's me!
My husband and I have been together 31 years and have built a wonderful life together. He was less experienced than I was - he was a virgin until he was engaged. I was the third woman that he had sex with. I always felt a strong bond - but sexual chemistry? Not so much. His other great qualities made up for it.
Fast forward 25 years. Sex had become a chore. I never turned him down, but was without enthusiasm. Then, a man 20 years my junior began making passes at me. I never thought about fooling around (that's a lie- I did think about it - constantly, but I just couldn't even consider going there). I brought that energy back to my husband. He loved it!
He wanted to recapture that energy and brought up swinging. At first, I was extremely shy, and couldn't go through with anything at first. The barrier was broken by a sexy and aggressive male stripper. Hubby wanted me to flash and give blow jobs - not my favorite things, but I would sometimes go along. I do like positive male attention. It usually left me wanting more. We dabbled with three sums. Finally, I was in my element. I loved them!
My husband didn't relish actually letting me have intercourse. The first time, he ket the guy have two strokes, the second time was supposed to end with a blow job, but the guy couldn't cum and I practically begged him to let me have sex with him. The sex was amazing. My husband has put on 70 lbs. and I find sex with him physically uncomfortable.
Soon after, our first opportunity with a couple arose and my husband decided that was what he wanted. Only, those weren't so easy. First of all, he doesn't find most women attractive. He didn't want to "lower his standards" and be with anyone less "beautiful" than I am. This means that at 52 years old and in two years, he has messed around with three slim 20 - something year old women and one woman around our age. All but one were soft swap and had no interest in pursuing any kind of further contact or friendship.
I have never stood between my husband and a woman. After we did our one full swap, my husband felt guilty because he said that he knew that I had "taken one for the team." I didn't mind it. I wanted him to be happy, and joy, joy, he "made things up to me" by letting my have a MMF three sum the next night.
I loved it. We ended up texting a bit which upset my husband. We lived about 800 mies apart, so it's not like I will run off. I love keeping in contact. I love the sex. And I am just amazed by the caliber of men that find me attractive. I don't even have to have sex. Even texting seems to satisfy some kind of itch. I would love to go to a club or contact someone once a month or so. That is a bit much for my husband. Perhaps I should get out completely, I find that I do get frustrated when I go out and am hit on right and left while my husband shakes his head at me in disapproval. Perhaps I just need to let me desire dry up once again. I guess that I need to make this decision soon. I am 50 after all. This widow of desire and desirability certainly cannot last long.
Hi Jennifer, a divergence of sexual libido is very common in relationships. especially after a long while together. There is nothing wrong with having sexual desires - the question is what to do about them.
I don't believe the purpose of a relationship is to sacrifice or compromise who you are. It's to allow you the freedom to become more of who you are. My suggestion is that you:
- acknowledge to your husband (and to yourself) what you want sexually (including experiences with other people)
- talk to your husband about what sex means in your relationship. Find a way to make it an expression of even deeper love for each other, by making exploring your sexuality a shared journey
- make sure you do everything you can to make your husband realise how much you love him and that other sexual experiences are enhancements to your relationship, not a replacement for anything that might be lacking.
At the end of the day, the most important thing is to be true to yourself. The more you can work on strengthening your bond with your husband, the easier that will be within the context of your marriage.
Hope this helps and all the best!