Adult Swinging/swinging life


My husband and I tried swinging with another couple. It was amazing for both of us. However, the other couple is was not "solid" in their relationship and have had to "take a break." for an undetermined amount of time.

While we are emotionally attached to this couple (we have known them for many, many years). We want to continue with this. However, it's not good for them at this time. and their marriage is more important than our sexual needs/desires for them or with them.

My question is how do we begin? The other couple was organic. We have joined and do not seem to find anyone who is truly active (mostly it is just single guys). I am unsure I want to go to a swinging club as I am concerned of what I might walk into. Is it ok to go to these clubs to "watch" and do my husband vs having sex with others? what about soft swinging or just girl/girl? what is allowed?

Hey, great questions, and I apologize for the delay in getting back to you.  You have taken steps in the right direction for getting started.  A big leap forward is joining swinger sites.  The issue is, with swinging becoming more and more popular a lot of websites have sprouted up.  Not all of them are great sites, and most of them are poorly coded/designed with the only intent of getting a subscription fee monthly.  That being said I am not a member of and don't know much about their site.

We have relied on 1 site to meet people since we started swinging.  The majority of their active member base seems to be focused around the midwest, so it works for us.  We also are members on which serves to be more active out west.  We have tried out but didn't care for it, but we do know some east coast friends that prefer that site.  These are more domestic, and not international.

All 3 sites I mentioned have free version memberships, but are cheap enough if you decide to subscribe.  All of these sites have local parties listed, and you may have a lot better luck getting started with one of those.  As far as going to a club, a lot of them are "off-premise" which means you go to meet others, then retire to your room (or theirs) to continue the party, or you can go back to your room with just each other!  If you happen to go to an "on-premise" club the stipulations vary.  If they have a community room, there will be people in there playing who don't mind being watched if that's what you want to do.  A lot of clubs have private rooms, which some people leave the doors open to, because they enjoy being watched.  

As for what's allowed, that is totally up to you.  If you only want to play with a female, that is perfectly fine, and a lot of females/couples are ok with that.  A LOT of couples are S/S or G/G only.  It will restrict who you may encounter, but it's not going to cripple your lifestyle experience.  The biggest thing to remember is to only do what you are comfortable with.  Don't let another couple try to change your mind or push you into something in the heat of the moment.  You guys need to discuss your rules, and STICK TO THEM.  If one of you breaks a rule, it's not ok for the other to throw them out the window.  This causes so much unnecessary drama that will likely ruin the night for not just yourselves, but all those involved.

You are moving in the right direction, and the answer to all of your questions, Do what you want!  The lifestyle experience is what you make of it, and there is nobody that can tell you, that you are doing it wrong!  If you are having fun it is right.  If you are feeling guilty or not having fun, re-evaluate your rules, and be sure they are there to keep YOU having fun in the lifestyle, not others.

Adult Swinging

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Jenn & Jeff


We can answer questions based on introduction to swinging, what to expect in the lifestyle, swinger clubs, etiquette, and pretty much anything else. We can offer insight based on cheaters, safe sex, and multiple partners. What if only 1 half is interested? We can answer that too.


We have been involved in the lifestyle for over 2 years, as well as Sexperts for California Exotics. We run an adult based blog, where we offer news and articles based on sexual health and relationships.


We have no educational credentials, but we do have first hand knowledge and experience.

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