Adult Swinging/Don't know what im feeling


My wife and I just had our first lifestyle experience (with another couples) no sex just males kissing and giving oral sex (forgot condoms(beginners) so we switched back to our partners at the end .  I can't explain what I am feeling, She kissed the other guy while we were playing and we agreed not to, but she tells me it was in the moment and part of the newness of the situation.  I was extremely upset but understand what she meant.  i am still excited about the sharing aspect of the lifestyle. but also find myself confused about what I feel when some guys are a little to quick to place there hand on her waste or shoulder when speaking with us.  She says it doesn't bother her as it is the environment and just a touch but I feel its assuming we are in the lifestyle and I don't do that to other women.
I feels she is more comfortable than I am, but I am also sexually excited about it. We spoke about it and she feels we don't need to have this in our life but if i get excited about it we can try it again but really not necessary.  i feel she is saying this because of what I am feeling but i don't even know what I am feeling...Big knots in my stomach....Thxs for listening, don't know what I am going to do...

I understand how sketchy it can feel in certain situations.  Regardless of the sexuality of all involved there is a gold standard that you have to stick by and that is SET GROUND RULES.  Everyone needs to have a set of rules that they have set out before any lifestyle experience.  Those rules can be anything from no kissing, no hugging, no touching, or no rules at all.

The main thing is to be vocal.  Not aggressive, but vocal.  Most people in the lifestyle WILL respect your choices and decisions and have no hard feelings regarding them.  Those that don't, aren't worthy of your time anyhow.  If you are talking to a couple and they wrap their arm around her waist and you two have decided that is a no go, you can easily just shake your head no at them and most will get the point.  There is usually little to no drama at a lifestyle event.

A lot of it comes from being comfortable in the lifestyle as far as the touching goes.  I will have to say that a lot of guys that haven't been shot down much in the past can get a sense of "entitlement".  Not in the sense that they think they can have whomever they want, but in the sense that they think it ok to touch freely anyone at an event.  

If you find that the rules you all set in place are being pushed aside by either a 3rd party or by each other, it is time to call it a night and talk about things.  When you set rules, you stick by them for the night at minimum.  No rule changes on the fly.  If after the event you feel like you are ok with expanding or modifying the rules, do it!  Lifestyle events are meant to be fun for all involved...if they aren't, then something needs to be fixed!

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Jenn & Jeff


We can answer questions based on introduction to swinging, what to expect in the lifestyle, swinger clubs, etiquette, and pretty much anything else. We can offer insight based on cheaters, safe sex, and multiple partners. What if only 1 half is interested? We can answer that too.


We have been involved in the lifestyle for over 2 years, as well as Sexperts for California Exotics. We run an adult based blog, where we offer news and articles based on sexual health and relationships.


We have no educational credentials, but we do have first hand knowledge and experience.

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