Adult Swinging/question on swinging

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Question
Hello, My husband started talking about swinging again. We tried 2years ago and stopped because of felt that I was getting to much attention and he was jealousy. But, he to was playing with other partners.
The difference this time he says is that we would be doing it for me. I have a very high sex drive and would like it all the time and he does not. We have been married 20 yrs. We do enjoy our sex life, just with in the last year he is having trouble maintaining an excretion and feels he is leaving me hanging. So we started going to parties, then he started pushing me to play alone with the guys, something I never thought about. I really wanted a threesome, always wanted him there and involved. I did this four times and each time truly did not enjoy it. I told him that I didn't want to play that way anymore and that's when he said that he wants to play alone. This is something that we never talked about before. I fell that he pushed me so that he could do it himself, then he said that he wants to see if he has trouble when I am not there. I was hurt by this and not sure what to think about it. I always wanted to do this together as a couple.. playing with other couples, or single males and females. Not sure what to do from here.

Answer
Hi Colleen,

I understand.   As far as his erections, has he tried Viagra?  And you should have his testosterone checked.   It needs to be above 300 and 600 or more is better.  Those two are probably the cause of the erection problem.

I am not a supporter of solo swinging where one of the partners is not present.  If you are a couple you should always play as a couple.  Just my opinion.  My guess is that most of his issue stems from his insecurity brought on be the erection issue.  That is why he pushed you to party.  And may well be why he wants to try it alone.  A compromise might be for you to party with a couple but in separate rooms.  Or a threesome with another woman where he is the center of attention.

So, get the testosterone checked.  My guess is that it is low.  A shot every two weeks will get that back to teen age levels.  And Viagra.   Then look for a way to satisfy his desire once, not on a regular basis.   And talk about it so he knows how you feel.  

Good luck,  

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Tom Blair

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Sex coaching. Published author. Questions related to swinging and alternative sexual life styles.

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Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

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Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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