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Adult Swinging/Husband having issues staying hard


To start out, I signed up on a couple sights and had sex with two women before my husband knew that I wanted to start swinging.  Once I told him he was upset and said we have to be completely open with each other.  I agreed! We started searching on websites for couples to meet. Our first experience was a threesome and my husband was watching me and another female and I asked him if he wanted to join and he did. He had sex with this woman with and as far as I knew he had no problem performing.  We met the same lady with her spouse and he couldn't stay hard. We tried it two more time and he said he couldn't get into the women. The last couple we were with the guy was focusing totally on me and my husband couldn't get hard. Me and the man continued on for about 45 min and my husband would try to get with the woman again but couldn't. The guy talked dirty to me ask asked me what I wanted him to do to me. When he was about to cum he asked me if I wanted him to and I said yes. Well my husband had said no but neither one of us heard him. Well when the couple left he would not talk to me for 2 days then he said he couldn't believe that I didn't have limitation. He said he didn't know it was going to be a full swap. We have always had sex with the other couples partners so I didn't understand. He stated he couldn't get hard with any other woman than me.  Now he says we are not doing it any more and I am very disappointed. I thought we were having fun because we were having better sex at home we would send sexy pictures to each other during the day.  I don't understand what happened and why he wants to quit swinging. Because he couldn't get hard and I had a good time. He told me he wanted to see me with another man and now he is frustrated and disgusted with me.  I don't want to quit but he says he can only get into me.  Did I do something wrong?  Is it normal for him not to get hard?  How does a man overcome this?  I would appr4ciate your help.

Sounds to me like your husband was participating only because you wanted to try the lifestyle.  He might have a psychological barrier that is preventing him from maintaining an erection and this could be caused by seeing you with other guys.  

Participating in the lifestyle only works if the relationship is rock solid with good, open, honest communication.  If one person is participating only because the other wants to swing the relationship is headed for trouble.  We always tell people to sit down and have an open and honest conversation about the ground rules, what each is comfortable/not comfortable with.  Once the rules have been established STICK TO THEM.  Do not let the heat of the moment let you make a decision that you or he will regret.

I suggest sitting down with him in a non confrontational setting and let him tell you what he is feeling.  Do everything you can to help him to open up and share his feelings/fears/desires/etc. The only way you can make some progress on this issue is for the both of you to be totally honest with each other.  There are couples who try the lifestyle and it just doesn't work for them.  It's not for everyone.

If he tells you he does not want to participate any further you need to accept his decision for the sake of your marriage.  Do not try to persuade him to keep participating as this will be detrimental to your marriage.

If he wants to chat with me let me know and we can arrange a time to chat on Yahoo Messenger.

I hope this helps and please write back and let me know how you're doing.

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We can answer the following type of questions: 1. My wife and I are contemplating swinging. 2. My spouse is interested but I'm not. 3. Friends of ours are swingers and have asked us to try it but we're not sure.


My wife and I have been involved in the lifestyle for about four years now. We've had many experiences with other couples.

Life experiences in the lifestyle.

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