Adult Swinging/Wife Has Guilt Feelings?


My wife and I started in the lifestyle 6 years ago when we lived in the Arizona. We talked about the lifestyle for a long time before we actually tried it. She enjoyed dressing in sexy clothes and going to Meet and Greets and I liked her dressing up sexy and encouraged her.

We met some lifetime friends while we were in the lifestyle and met some jerks too. Just like "real life" There were women she was jealous of, and some she wasn't. Her jealously caused some impotency with me due to me not knowing until after if she approved of the women I was with or not.

To avoid any jealousy issues, I suggested we do MFM threesomes with other men and she was reluctant at first. We met a few single guys off the lifestyle website we were members of and finally found one we both liked and took one home with us.

He was younger, tall, and good looking and my wife and him hit it off and started making out on the sofa. Pretty soon they went to the guest bedroom and undressed each other and began having sex.

This was our first MFM threesome and I wasn't sure what to do, so I kissed my wife and caressed her while her and her lover had sex. She really enjoyed it and later after he left we had great sex. I was not jealous at all, in fact, I thought it was erotic and enjoyed watching my wife enjoy herself with another man.

A couple of months later, we met a younger couple from the same site and my wife and the husband went into the guest bedroom to have sex while his wife and I went to our master bedroom.

My wife evidently was enjoying having sex with the other man from the vocalizations she was making. (I rarely heard her be this vocal with me) I asked her about her experience later and she said very little. This was our last swinging experience.

She won't have an open dialog with me even though once we decided to swing it opened up avenues of communication that we never had before. I get the impression she enjoyed herself too much and is hesitant to express herself even though I'm not, nor ever expressed any jealously.

I do, during some of our lovemaking sessions, role play acting like a strange lover and she goes wild, so it seems like the "spark" is still there.

How can I get her to "open up" and tell me how she really feels?

Hi Dutch,

You may be right in your assessment.  And getting any woman to open up and talk about a subject that they don't want to is a major challenge.  But that is what you really have to do.   But rather than asking her how she feels, which may put her off sounding like an interrogation, start off by reminding how much fun you and she had, and how much you enjoyed watching her dressed up sexy.  And how excited you were about the threesome. Talk about how much you enjoyed watching her have fun.  Try to get her to open up about how much fun that was.  Then after you have relived the good times, tell her how much you love her and always will, and ask what went wrong.

Good luck,

Adult Swinging

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Tom Blair


Sex coaching. Published author. Questions related to swinging and alternative sexual life styles.


Sexual Relationship Coach Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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