Adult Swinging/Swinging lifestyle
Aloha, my husband and I have been married for 7 years. He used to be a swinger long before he met me. I had no idea what a swinger was until I met him. He wants to swing again and I'm willing to,give it a try to make our marriage work. But my question is. Is it ok for him to flirt and boost his online friend's self esteem when she tells him she feels ugly and no one wants her, and he tells her that he would tear her up if she ever came to town. Is this how this lifestyle works? Cause he tells me this is how he used to be. I'm not jealous of this woman. I'm hurt by him having to talk to women like this because he says this is how the swinging lifestyle is. Is this how it is?
There are several things I would like to touch on here. First the swinging lifestyle or "lifestyle" as it's commonly referred to is not something to do to save a marriage. Marriages end faster than they begin when people do it for this reason. Swinging is full of fun, flirting, and sex, however it is something that is meant to be enjoyed as a couple not as 1 person having fun, while the other "deals with it" to save a relationship.
If he is using swinging as an excuse to flirt with a friend, that is not swinging. ESPECIALLY if she is not in the lifestyle. At that point it becomes two people flirting. That's it. There are a lot of things that make up swinging. We have texted and flirted with many other couples, but we don't just go and do our own thing because we are/were in the lifestyle.
If you decide to check out the lifestyle, I would recommend moving very slowly as it can be overwhelming. Find a party, and go check it out with the rules of no touching. It allows you to see the scene while still staying within your comfort zone. If you think it is something you want to look into further, then set some rules. You both have to agree to the rules, but more importantly you both have to STICK to the rules. No rule is ridiculous. We have had friends whose rules ranged from:
* No sex with co-workers.
* No kissing
* Only same room sex
* No texting
ANYTHING you are uncomfortable with can be your rule and people in the lifestyle will respect it. If they aren't comfortable with it, then they either aren't a true swinger, or not in the lifestyle at all. Swinging is meant to be a fun release for all involved. If it's not, then you should walk away from it.