Adult Swinging/Wife Developing feelings


We are a soft swap couple that has been in the lifestyle about 3 years now, and have met a lot of great people, and played just a few times with girl girl being our main focus, since the wife is a true Bi. The thing is that we met a couple about three months ago, we seem to connect with them, the husbands get along well, and the wives really enjoy playing together, now my wife seems to be really into the other husband, and is even contemplating going full swap with this couple, i am just not ready for that, and it seems to be causing some friction between us when i voice my discomfort with the idea, my wife has also not denied that she is developing feelings for this couple, I thought that in the lifestyle for it to be just sex between the other partners, there should be no feelings involved, is that correct? Or am I just over reacting?

The comfort level in the lifestyle is dependent on BOTH parties involved.  If she wants to go full swap and you do not, there should be no further conversation about it.  That is no different than you forcing her into an orgy or gloryhole scenario because you would like to see her do it, regardless of her feelings on it.

Sometimes people do catch feelings for others in the lifestyle.  We have met several monogamous couples (meaning couples that only play with each other, and even "date" each other).  We have also seen some relationships fall apart because of your scenario.  Someone wants more, and then they just go and do it.  This obviously doesn't end well.  They get the 1 time sex that they wanted and 1 of 3 things happen:

1: They leave their partner to live with the new couple and things go happily ever after.
2: They get cut off from the couple after a 1 night stand, then come crawling back.
3: The relationship goes sour because of lack of trust.

In order for a couple to be in the lifestyle together you have to both agree on standards and limits.  Regardless of how much 1 wants something, if the other does not, it shouldn't happen.  If she is adamant about wanting to pursue things with the other couple, I would let her know you aren't' comfortable with it, and maybe consider taking a break from the lifestyle.  Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at things, and re-evaluate what you are doing and why.  The lifestyle is meant to bring couples closer together, through shared sexual encounters, but in rare circumstances, it can tear them apart.  You have to know, when to back it up a step and discuss the way things are going.

Sometimes in a lifestyle oriented relationship 1 half of the couple is ready to move forward much faster than the other half...but that's not what it's about.  You move together, or don't move at all.

Adult Swinging

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Jenn & Jeff


We can answer questions based on introduction to swinging, what to expect in the lifestyle, swinger clubs, etiquette, and pretty much anything else. We can offer insight based on cheaters, safe sex, and multiple partners. What if only 1 half is interested? We can answer that too.


We have been involved in the lifestyle for over 2 years, as well as Sexperts for California Exotics. We run an adult based blog, where we offer news and articles based on sexual health and relationships.


We have no educational credentials, but we do have first hand knowledge and experience.

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