About Jeff & Kris Booth Expertise Singles and swinging, how to get started, what to expect, dealing with jealousy, finding clubs, throwing parties.
Experience 7 years in swinging, involved with planning and presentations for several Lifestyles Conventions, author of Guide to Alternative Lifestyles, and in an article on sexuality.org, the author states we are reputed to hold the best swing parties on the West Coast.
Publications Loving Alternatives magazine, AVN Online magazine, editors of sexinreview.com, eroticguide.com, eroticuniversity.com, and we have been featured on Extra, Leeza, The X Show, Dr. Susan Block Show, KROQ Kevin and Bean show, Rouze.com, and Los Angeles magazine.
Expert: Jeff & Kris Booth Date: 8/11/2004 Subject: Asking wife about swinging
Question Kris,
One of my wife's worries, is that it will damage our relationship, that what we have will be lessened, she feels it is playing with fire and can't seem to understand that it is meant to increase OUR enjoyment of sex, not to diminish it.
What suggestions do you have to counter her positions, give her confidence that our love for eachother and enjoyment of sex will be enhanced, not lessened and the communications will be improved.
I got a lot out of your first comments, can you please comment on this for me? I really do enjoy hearing the women's point of view, I KNOW how guys think, I need help on the other side.
Jim
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Followup To
Question -
What is the best approach in asking your wife to swing?
She is very sexual with me, but is a pretty private person with others.
I can talk to her about anything regarding sex, that is not a problem, but I am fearful that she might take my suggestion as thinking she is not enough for me or some other flip out.
We have covered the difference between sex and love, but I am afraid to approach her on this.
She LOVES watching group sex videos, they are her favorite.
I am 59 and my wife is 57 and we are retired.
I hope you have some ideas for me.
Jim
Answer -
I think that you probably know your wife quite well and are aware of the areas where she is likely to be sensitive. Think about those before you speak to her.
You might suggest attending a relatively low pressure event, like a dance, or another swingers social event. There is zero pressure to perform, you'll probably meet some nice couples, and at a minimum you'll see lots of fun eye candy. Suggesting an adventure that you think might be fun for both of you is a good idea.
Tell her immediately that if she is uncomfortable at any point, you will leave immediately. And, keep your word. I've heard from lots of folks who took a long time getting into the lifestyle, because they wanted to take it all one step at a time. Tell her you only want to do this, if she's okay with it.
If she does decide to go, it's perfectly normal to fret a little over what to wear to such an event. (She can call and get advice from the venue.) Your job is to tell her she's beautiful (because she is), set aside the work-a-day world, and be very good to the one you love because this is a stretch for anyone. Don't argue, just because you're a little nervous.
Just plan to have a fun time out with a little sexually stimulating adventure and have great sex together afterwards. Then you can see how things move on from there.
Kris
Answer You can't talk her into doing it. If she has an interest in uppping the sexual ante a little, then you have a chance, but any pressure on your part will meet even stronger resistance. If this is all about your desires, then she will see right through that. I doubt that you will be able to jump right into swinging. You'll need to take it very slowly. Explore some Web sites together and learn more about it together. She needs to see that a lot of people do this and get benefits from it. If she is not willing to learn more about it with you, then you are probably out of luck.
