About Jeff & Kris Booth Expertise Singles and swinging, how to get started, what to expect, dealing with jealousy, finding clubs, throwing parties.
Experience 7 years in swinging, involved with planning and presentations for several Lifestyles Conventions, author of Guide to Alternative Lifestyles, and in an article on sexuality.org, the author states we are reputed to hold the best swing parties on the West Coast.
Publications Loving Alternatives magazine, AVN Online magazine, editors of sexinreview.com, eroticguide.com, eroticuniversity.com, and we have been featured on Extra, Leeza, The X Show, Dr. Susan Block Show, KROQ Kevin and Bean show, Rouze.com, and Los Angeles magazine.
Expert: Jeff & Kris Booth Date: 6/4/2001 Subject: Read on...
Question I've been married for 10 years to this guy named Roy. I got married at 16 and he was 19.
We were both virgins when we met. We have two beautiful kids nine and seven.
Last year my husband joined the military and we find ourselves meeting new and interesting people all the time. There's people coming and going all the time because this is a training base.
Back in our home state we lived a pretty sheltered life, we never did anything that I now consider fun like going out to clubs and such.
Since we moved here it's like another world, these military folks are the horniest people on earth,lol, that's what makes it so much fun.
Now, getting to my question, like I said before me and Roy were both virgins, we have given each other permissions to experiment with other people as long as it's the right person, right timing and it's kept hush hush,and most of all the house is respected.
I happened to meet a guy through one of my neighbors who I am very atracted to and would love to be with him, his name also happens to be Roy and he is a lot of fun. But he is also married, in the middle of a separation. Any advice on how I should approach this?
#1How do I make sure that he won't tell anyone if we do anything,he seems not to be the type to kiss and tell because he also has to maintain his reputation(like me) and #2 Should I wait until he gets an official separation?
I don't want to marry the guy, just screw his brains out.
Thanks
Answer Since Kris and I have an open relationship and have "dated" others, we do have a little background that might be useful.
As to the situtation with your husaband being in the military, he will need to be especially discreet. However, since swinging has been going on in the military for a long time now, as long as it is with mutual consent and you are selective, as it appears you are being, then you should be all right.
I suppose it would not hurt to wait until he had an offical seperation, if that was within a reasonable time frame. As to discretion on his part, he would have as much to lose as you would, and more, if he was in the service as well.
You should try to arrange to spend some casual time with him and see if he makes any moves or intimates sexual interest. It is okay to be a little flirtatious, but not overly obvious. You want to feel him out a little first (metaphorically, not literally).
If he does seem interested, you can take it to the next step, but keep in mind that he is vulnerable now that he is seperated. You must make it very clear from the beginning that you love your husband, that you have no intention of leaving him, and that you are just looking for sexual adventure. Don't give him even the remotest notion that he can win you away, as guys can be boneheads romantically.
Another rule we have for dealing with dating singles when you are married is to never speak negatively about your spouse with your lover. You can become quite close, and you sometimes want to vent about the normal frustrations that can accompany married life, but never do this with a lover. Save this for your best non-sexual friend. If you speak negatively, your lover will naturally take your side, and they may begin to see your relationship differently. It might put ideas in their heads, or they might start running down your spouse in ways that make you uncomfortable. They might even start to think that maybe they could do a better job of taking care of you. The best bet is to always speak kindly of your spouse and discuss your relationship in only the most positive terms (even if the two of you just had a fight). In fact, it does not hurt to reemphasize from time to time that your marriage is good.
I had one lover who made it clear that she would quite gladly step in and take Kris' place. I in turn made it very clear that Kris and I were quite happy and had no intention of breaking up. Had she thought she had even the remotest chance, she might have behaved in ways that would have made the relationship very uncomfortable, and probably would have wound up with a broken heart. As it was, the relationship went its course and we moved on quite amicably, and she is now in a relationship she is very happy with.
We know a lot of swingers and people in open relationships who got married early with one or both being virgins. Better late than never, I guess.
By the way, sexual experience with other lovers does improve your lovemaking skills. Besides being exposed to new things, just the fact that you are with someone new encourages you to be more experiemental and to try things to see what they like. Often with a long term sexual partner, we tend to do the things we know works with them, sometimes without paying a lot of attention. One of the real secrets of swinging is that it teaches you to start paying a lot more attention and to be more creative, skills that can add a lot to your primary sexual relationship.
