About Jeff & Kris Booth Expertise Singles and swinging, how to get started, what to expect, dealing with jealousy, finding clubs, throwing parties.
Experience 7 years in swinging, involved with planning and presentations for several Lifestyles Conventions, author of Guide to Alternative Lifestyles, and in an article on sexuality.org, the author states we are reputed to hold the best swing parties on the West Coast.
Publications Loving Alternatives magazine, AVN Online magazine, editors of sexinreview.com, eroticguide.com, eroticuniversity.com, and we have been featured on Extra, Leeza, The X Show, Dr. Susan Block Show, KROQ Kevin and Bean show, Rouze.com, and Los Angeles magazine.
Expert: Jeff & Kris Booth Date: 7/18/2001 Subject: Threesomes...
Question Hi,
My partner and I (we are gay) would like to indulge in a threesome. However, my mian concern is seeing my partner enjoying another man and getting turned on and I think this will make me very paranoid and may affect our relationship. I remember how I felt when he suggested us watch a porn film, I felt like he wanted to be turned on my another man... that in itself turns me on however it also makes me very jealous and even hurt... it's like bitter sweet, I'd love to do it but I know how hurt I'd feel? How do you deal with those feelings? Please could you discuss your experiences with me, how you felt when you did it and how felt in your mind.
Thank you very much.
Answer Jealousy typically comes from feelings of insecurity and fear of loss. The more secure a relationship, the easier it is to deal with feelings of jealousy.
It is perfectly normal to desire other sex partners- our desire for this is pretty much hardwired into both men and women, since despite claims of natural monogamy, non-monogamy is better for the species since it provides more genetic variety.
If just watching a porn film triggers your jealousy, I suspect there are more serious concerns at work here. It might be more important to focus on what is at the root of your feeling paranoid. Until you do, I don't think you'll be able to get beyond your feelings of jealousy.
Before you do anything more, I suggest you have some clear and open discussions with your partner about what exactly it is that is triggering this in you. If you can work together with ways that he can reassure you and let you know that you are number one, then it might be okay to proceed. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a self fulfilling prophecy in that you will already be prepped to react in a negative way to the situation, no matter how much you try and talk yourself into it ahead of time.
