About Jeff & Kris Booth Expertise Singles and swinging, how to get started, what to expect, dealing with jealousy, finding clubs, throwing parties.
Experience 7 years in swinging, involved with planning and presentations for several Lifestyles Conventions, author of Guide to Alternative Lifestyles, and in an article on sexuality.org, the author states we are reputed to hold the best swing parties on the West Coast.
Publications Loving Alternatives magazine, AVN Online magazine, editors of sexinreview.com, eroticguide.com, eroticuniversity.com, and we have been featured on Extra, Leeza, The X Show, Dr. Susan Block Show, KROQ Kevin and Bean show, Rouze.com, and Los Angeles magazine.
Expert: Jeff & Kris Booth Date: 6/13/2002 Subject: first time swingers
Question Jeff and Kris-
My wife and I want to try out a swingers off-site club, where sex is allowed on the premises. Frankly, she is more sexually adventurous than I am, though I am very interested in participating, but perhaps not the first time. How does the whole thing work? Will guys hit on her? What can I be doing in the event she is with someone else? Can I watch her if I want, assuming it is ok with her partner? Will I feel like a freak if I don't participate the first time? Do I have to have full intercourse with someone I'm interested in? Any help you can provide would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.
Don
Answer A lot of questions, so lets tackle them in order:
"How does the whole thing work?"
If you are talking about an off-site club as the term is usually used, this means a club where people can meet and socialize but that does not have facilities in the club for people to have sex in. Often, an off-site club meets at a hotel for events like dance socials. People go off to private hotel rooms for sex. An on-site or on-premise club usually has rooms or partitioned areas inside the club for having sex.
In general, most people their first time at an off-site club do not wind up having sex with anyone. There are usually fewer opportunities, as these events tend to draw a lot of new people, and only a small percentage of people have rooms usually. Not that it does not happen. You might hit it off with another couple right away. You never know. It is just a little more difficult to make a connection than at an on-premise club where all you have to do is wander to another area where people are having sex.
"Will guys hit on her?"
If she is flirtatious and outgoing, they will probably flirt with her and want to dance with her. The same could happen to you with the ladies, if you are equally outgoing. Just like anywhere else, unwanted attention and grabbing is inappropriate. The cardinal rule in swinging is that if you proposition someone and they turn you down, you are not owed an explanation and that is the end of it. Continuing to bug someone after that is considered harasment and can get you kicked out. You must be very respectful of others.
"What can I be doing in the event she is with someone else?"
This generally does not happen at an off-premise club as people tend to go off to the hotel rooms as couples. Many couples, especially new couples, tend to party only as a couple. True, it is much more difficult to find a match where you like the girl and your partner likes the guy, but this is the only way many people play.
At a on-premise swing party, what happens when your partner goes off with someone else (after checking in with you first) is that you go find other people to talk to, hopefully a maiden in whom you are interested in.
"Can I watch her if I want, assuming it is ok with her partner?"
Not all people want to be watched, but some people really get off on it. In a couple to couple situation, watching is almost always acceptable.
"Will I feel like a freak if I don't participate the first time?"
Absolutely not. Most people don't participate sexually their first time. It takes a little while to get your sea legs and figure things out, especially for guys. Don't push yourself into a situation you are not comfortable with. Its always better to take your time.
"Do I have to have full intercourse with someone I'm interested in?"
You don't have to do anything that you don't want to do, and doing something you are not ready for or uncomfortable with is often a mistake. Just tell people up front that you are new and not quite sure what level of participation you are ready for yet.
Our first time at a club led to having sex with another couple, but that only happened for us at socials after we got to know a few people in the crowd and got invited to party suites after the dance. Don't put a lot of extra pressure on yourself about how fast you want to go, and make sure you communicate your needs to your wife so she knows where you are at. It usually takes people 3 or 4 events before they fully take the plunge, so don't feel in any hurry.
