About Scotto Expertise I can answer questions ranging from:
People who want to swing but have questions.
People who want to put their toe in the water but don't want to become swingers.
Experience I have participated in numerous swinging situations in the past including moresomes and threesomes including mfm and fmf types.
Publications literotica.com
Education/Credentials Bachelors with some Masters work in business.
Expert: Scotto Date: 10/24/2007 Subject: What is it about solo play that makes me so uncomfortable?
Question My wife and I have been involved in swinging for the past three years - we both really enjoy it and have meet some great people. We have for the most part played as a couple with other couples but have both experimented with swinging alone - just to check a fantasy off the list (or so I thought).
She seems to have developed a real desire to make swinging alone a regular thing and I am really uncomfortable with that. On one hand I feel like I'm being unreasonable - after all she's already having sex with other guys while I'm around and I'm perfectly fine with that. On the other hand, I feel almost like she's cheating on me when she is out alone.
Compounding this is the fact that one of our regular couples is pushing to play with us on a solo basis - me with his wife one night, him with my wife another so I feel like I'm not only preventing my wife from doing something she really wants to do, but our friends as well. Am I being unreasonable? (Feel free to say yes if I am). Can you help me to figure out what it is that makes me so uncomfortable about my wife playing solo even when she actively encourages me to and there are volunteers standing by?
Answer Gosh I don't know the psychology of what makes you feel this way. What I do know is that it is very normal for people to feel badly when they are being left out--of anything. Think about when you were a kid when all the other kids got to do something and you didn't. Its a pretty basic instinct in and of itself. With that said we need to dial in on why it is that you feel left out but your wife and play partners do not when they are swinging alone. I believe, from the limited information I have, that you are much more connected to the swinging situation as a couple than you are for your sole pleasure. You wife and the other couple seem very focused on their individual pleasure versus the pleasure of the activity with their spouses. I don't believe either of you are wrong--its just a different approach.
Now to what you do about the problem. You have a few different choices. You can acquiesce and feel badly about things. You can find the bright spot in what is going on. e.g. does it turn you on at all to be at home knowing your wife is having sex with another person? If not why not and if so then run with it. Or lastly, you can find some middle ground. If all the others want to play alone is this something you can tolerate occasionally versus all the time? If so how about a compromise with a thorough explanation as to why you want to limit the alone playtime.
I hope you sort this out but don't really believe there is a right or wrong in this EXCEPT that if you put your foot down on this your wishes should be held higher than all else by your spouse. That's the bottom line.
