About Jeff & Kris Booth Expertise Singles and swinging, how to get started, what to expect, dealing with jealousy, finding clubs, throwing parties.
Experience 7 years in swinging, involved with planning and presentations for several Lifestyles Conventions, author of Guide to Alternative Lifestyles, and in an article on sexuality.org, the author states we are reputed to hold the best swing parties on the West Coast.
Publications Loving Alternatives magazine, AVN Online magazine, editors of sexinreview.com, eroticguide.com, eroticuniversity.com, and we have been featured on Extra, Leeza, The X Show, Dr. Susan Block Show, KROQ Kevin and Bean show, Rouze.com, and Los Angeles magazine.
Expert: Jeff & Kris Booth Date: 8/31/2004 Subject: wife
Question -------------------------
Followup To
Question -
Hi Jeff & Kris,
My wife wanted to get back into swinging, after almost a two year pause. The first
party we returned to she found a wonderful
and friendly guy to hook up with and had
open sex with him, allowing all at the party
to watch her take his manhood deep.
Must say that I was really turned on,
having a front row seat, on the carpet next
to the two of them. She was a live version
of those cheap stories one reads about willing
hungry wives. She was extremely vocal, which
came both as a pleasure and a surprise to me.
Actually the whole thing was a surprise as she
in the past always was private about her joy of sex with other men and allowed only me to watch.
We had an agreement that I would not give
out our info to anyone before she went to the
first reintroduction party but before we left
she gave our names and all the info he needed
to come to our home.
Must say I found I too liked the guy, but
not sexually. He is great to talk to and we
have simular interest, besides wanting to
please my wife. I have always enjoyed his
visits with us and happy to see him, even when
the kids where awake. Shortly after they went
to bed was even better as the wife got herself
ready for bed, but not to go to sleep.
She even talked me into buying a video cam
as she wanted to see herself and how she looked
with a man inside of her. Over the years I have
told her how beautiful she looked with cock in her. Other men have done the same, even her present lover. So he was asked and was willing
to let me shot the hot action while he made her happy. Her lover was happy and so was I and the next time he came over we watched the video before the two of them rolled into our bed.
We also made another video. Both of them are of some length. I love to watch them and often hook them up to our big screen when the kids are at school or away from the house.
Lately though the only man she wants to be
with is him. She does him once each week faithfully. He travels to town on business
and the wife always tells me when he calls to
stop by. My wife does not cheat and does not see him or any other man behind my back, I am sure of this.
Thing is I long to see my wife with other men
and be open and sexually free with these men. She is not interested and only wants him inside of her.
Question is, how do I convince my wife that it would be nice to see her at parties with other guys and still let her know that I enjoy seeing her with the guy she has taken as a lover?
After 6 months, it has become somewhat boring to see just the same man enter her, even though I know he pleases her well and she is very happy.
I tell her that I love her and she tell me the same. Just would like to see her with another man now and then.
Thanks for any future help.
Fred
Answer -
This is an area that causes a lot of friction between couples, when one of them begins to develop an exclusive attachment to someone else. This moves more into the area of polyamory, and as much as we might like to believe that it is just sex, it often becomes more than that. Some people can handle it and some people can't, but you are definitey heading into treacherous territory.
There is no clear easy answer, but the best general one is to anyalyze your own feelings to see what is really bothering you about this situation, and then have a frank and open discussion about it. In most cases, it is a failure to communicate penly and honestly that leads to the greatest problems.
Its a difficult situation in that there are not a lot of roadmaps
to help guide you through it. I'd have tp know more about where
you are at to offer more specific advice, but this is something
you should ewal with and work out before it becomes something more.
AS I HAVE said, Jo really likes this guy having sex with her.
She knows that in his travels, he also sees other females and
some who are married. Though he is the longest male to enter her,
I do not think it is just length that she soley enjoys. He has
asked her to join him at swinging parties where just the two of
them would go. Leaving me home with the kids but has turned him
down each time she has been asked. She also has turned him down
when he has come through town and I was working those nights. I
trust the faithfullness of my bride, and she knows that if she
wanted to go and visit him alone she could go with my blessing.
So the problem is not her seeing another male without my knowledge.
There have been a few parties where they played together without
me being in the room, with them.
I do not want to be in control, but I do honestly enjoy seeing
my brides hips moving while another man is on top of her. She
used to also take on more than one man (gang-bang) at some parties
or at the house on days when the kids where at the grandparents;
this Jo does not do anymore, either. I like the guy and all, but
would just love to see her entertain other men. Am I just making
a mountain out of a molehill?
Thanks again for you time.
Answer You can't really get people to do sexually what they don't want to do, not without creating additional problems.
I think a guy asking a woman to a swing party and leaving her husband at home with the kids is a bit on the rude side. It is one of the reasons that single guys do tend to create some friction in the Lifestyle. When they have a partner, there tends to be a lot fewer problems.
I think you are putting yourself in a bad position. It is not how they play and whether it is without you, but whether you are even being given enough consideration. I get the feeling that this guy is not being very considerate towards you but thinking solely about himself. Your wife may be a little infatuated with him, maybe without even realizing it. I don't know that it is a good idea to focus on just one person in swinging. It can pull focus from the primary relationship. This is especially true when the other person starts to feel left out.
I'm not saying that it sounds like she is inconsiderate, but other than being an occasional voyeur, what are you getting out of this? Do you have no desire to be with other women? A preference for playing with other couples solves some of the problems.
It all might work out fine, but I have seen problems develop in situatuions like this, so I would clearly work hard to keep communication open.
