About Scotto Expertise I can answer questions ranging from:
People who want to swing but have questions.
People who want to put their toe in the water but don't want to become swingers.
Experience I have participated in numerous swinging situations in the past including moresomes and threesomes including mfm and fmf types.
Publications literotica.com
Education/Credentials Bachelors with some Masters work in business.
Question this isnt really totally about swinging but i couldnt find a more relevent section to my problems.
im 23 and my girlfriend is 31 - we have been together for just under 2 years - when we first hooked up it was sex, sex sex, as often as we could and it was good - now 2 years later - its a little stale - she doesnt think it is and i havent told her i think it is - but the past 3 months - we have sex for the sake of having sex (ell i do anyway) and its a little tired -
i really wanna spice things up - we have tried anal sex but she doesnt like it and complains its coz im too biand there fore she wont give a wholehearted attempt, she likes giving me head but shes gotten progressively lazier in her efforts for about 6 weeks now - its good but i just cant come if all she is doing is giving head - it usually ends with me getting bored and mounting her for about 10 thrusts just to get rid of the 'load'
i really want to get have a threesome with her and another woman - she is not totally against the idea and has slept with women in the past - but we only usually talk about whilst we have been drinking and she is giving me head!!!
and she always says - ' yeah but i dont want to organise it- i would rather it just happen' - iand i dont like to push the subject too far as her ex bopyfriend used to invite people around for sex off the internet without letting her know ahead of time - so i dont want her to freak out thinking im gonna be like that as well...
My question is this:
Is there a way i can approach the subject softly?
I am quite shy in bed when it comes to sex and dont usually do anything unless it has been asked or offered.
Is this something that she keeps saying we will do but she KNOWS we will never do - just coz it turns me on?
Is there anyway i could convince her? or persuade her?
Im really concerned that the great sex we used to have is history and all have to look forward to with her is GOOD BLOWJOBS (that NEVER go through to 'Completion') and standard sex a couple times a week. We have been talking about marriage for a while now - but i dont have the balls to tell her that sex with her is boring - she is the type to mope and cry about as opposed to actually change what she does.
Answer Hey now is the time to discuss yours AND her expectations of your relationship. If sex 10 times a week is a part of your expectations you need to lay it out now. The world is full of married people with mismatched sex drives--they are called divorced people or miserable people.
Sit down and don't start sentences with "You never" and "You this or that" and frame it as "I don't" or "I feel" for example "I feel like what started out as a fantastic part of our relationship has gotten a bit stale and I want to talk to you about what we can do to make things a little livelier again."
You might also have this conversation where you say "I know not all people have the same energy, drive, or even sleep requirements but I have always been sexually driven and I would not be happy in a relationship where the sex is vanilla and plain--how do you think our drives match up?"
As for the threesome thing you need to have communication where you 100% understand if she wants to have a threesome or not. If not and it falls under the fantasy category then if you push her she will only resent you and not do it or will resent you and do it only for you. Either way you lose. Women are funny in that they are more than content to let a fantasy remain a fantasy at times whereas men tend to see a fantasy as a goal to be met and realized.
