AboutJudith Brandt Expertise I can answer questions regarding how to cheat and get away with it. I also have an extensive understanding of why people marry in the first place, and where the urge to cheat comes from. Love is an emotion programmed to self-destruct.
Experience Ten years 'in the field', on both sides of the adultery fence. My book THE 50-MILE RULE: Your Guide to Infidelity and Extra-marital Etiquette will be coming out in June, 2002 from Ten Speed Press.
Education/Credentials I have an MBA and an MA in Education
Question I will have to give you some details first. My husband & I have only been married for a couple months. We have dated a couple times before then this time we were together for 4 months when we got married. He had taken a job that would move him 500 miles away. He asks my son & I to move with him. We did. I was also pregnant. We got married in a court house. He was always friends with his ex-girlfriend and I was ok with that. It all changed when she wasn't talking to him trough out the entire time we got back together. Then the moment she found out he was getting married, she is texting him saying that she always thought they would be together again. That she loves him and she wants to be with him. She sent him songs that say I love you on our wedding day. I told him how much that bothered me and he says I am being insecure. She has continued to text and call even when he "says" he told her not too. It's now come to where he is not telling me when she is calling or emailing or texting. I find out. I don't trust him with her. I especially don't trust her. I would be fine with the friendship if I knew that is all that she wanted. He has defended her before me all the time. Then I had a miscarrage. He continued to lie about her. I begged him not right now and to actually defend me, he said he did. She continues still. He says he has yet to respond to her. But, now she is trying to add him on his new myspace account. What do I do? Am I being insecure? She is 500 miles away! But, everytime he talks to her or hears from her all of the sudden he acts mad at me or is nit-picking on how I am doing things around the house. There is 4 years between my husband & I. I am older. His "friend" is 6 years younger than him. So there is a maturity factor here. Am I being out of line by asking him to stop and being upset when he is not. Oh & I had found out that days before we were "offically" dating again he had slept with her and they talked about getting back together. He told me that yes he loved her and always will. Then added as a friend when I questioned that one. We have talked about married and that we would never get a divorce. I know that he loves me and he treats me very well until this girl comes into the picture and things change. He has even gone so far as to say he married me because I was pregnant and that he didn't want to be married right now. Then changed his mind the next day or two. So, what do I do? Leave it alone and let them talk or do I bring it up again and say enough is enough?
Answer Hello:
If you have only been married a couple of months, get an annulment, get your son out of there before he becomes too attached to this man or before you get pregnant again, move back home or wherever and chalk this marriage down to insanity or desperation. This relationship is going nowhere. Any more time spent involved in this drama is time wasted.
