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About Laura Giles
Expertise
Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues
Experience
I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of the upcoming book "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."
Organizations
International Association for Regression Research and Therapies Inc
National Association of Social Workers
C. Jung Society of Tidewater
Publications
The Other Child: Children of Affairs
Education/Credentials
BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University
Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Adultery > Drunken Betrayal
Expert: Laura Giles
Date: 4/30/2008
Subject: Drunken Betrayal
Question
My husband and I are newly married (about a month). We were at a party at our friend’s house. Both of us drinking. My husband undressed to his boxers in the room we were sleeping in. I climbed in bed and was sleep in minutes. He crawls in bed with me about 7:00 the next morning; I asked where he was all night. He spent the night in bed with another woman. In her bed, in her room. He says he doesn't remember doing it, and he woke up and did not know where he was but so he came looking for me. I do not know this woman, either does he. My husband said nothing happened, but how can he say that truthfully if he doesn't even remember going into her room? I feel betrayed, angry, humiliated and I no longer trust him. Now I am wondering what else he does when he drinks and I am not there. What can I do to restore trust and my sanity?
Answer
Hi Amy,
You restore sanity through time. There is nothing more you can do other than giving it to yourself.
You restore trust by giving him the opportunity to be trustworthy. When he is where he says he is and does what he says he is going to do (check up on him), then you will begin to trust that in the times that you are not checking up on him, he is also being honorable.
If you "catch" him drinking or being places where he wasn't supposed to be, that is a sign of distrust. If that happens during this crucial rebuilding stage, it would be time for you to ask yourself how much to you want to invest in someone who cannot be trusted. Everyone deserves a second chance, but fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
Sincerely,
Laura Giles, MSW
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