About Brittany Hayes Expertise I can help with questions on cheating, how to catch a cheater, why men cheat, how to forgive or move on from a cheater and if its possible to do so, also questions concerning "the other women".
Experience I have been through almost every situation that could arise and I am still standing strong. I know whats important in life and how to keep on the right track
Expert: Brittany Hayes Date: 4/14/2008 Subject: IS THIS HOPELESS??? WHY DOES SHE WANT HIM???
Question My spouse & I were together for 23 yrs…most of that time he was incarcerated on different occasions. The last time being for 9 yrs. He was home for 18 mos and dues to extenuating circumstances and extreme stress from the household which consisted of him (an only child), his mother who’s on 3 different anti-deressants and sits around in her pj’s all day collecting disability, our married non working 21 yr old daughter and her non working husband and their 3 kids, our 19 yr old son who is following in his dads footsteps and our 11 yr old daughter. For 3 yrs before he came home this was the household situation and his mother paid ½ the mortgage, I paid all the other ½ of mortgage, ALL utilities, ALL groceries, ALL household items, on top of financially supporting my grandkids, diapers, babyfood, clothes, school supplies, etc.
When he came home it took 2 mos to get a job and he contributed some but what he’d give me to go towards house I’d wind up giving him back thru the week for BEER, gas and cigs. 18 mos later I decided I couldn’t take it anymore, he wouldn’t help with anything as far as the ungrateful disrespectful kids, nosy mother who was trying to play tug-a-war with me for his attention, who even at one point my 11 yr old called us while we were out shopping saying his mom fell on the front porch, we got home as fast as possible, took about 10 mins and she was STILL LAYING THERE face down on her stomach and didn’t even try to get her self up and who is very controlling and demanding wanting this fixed that replaced etc on a DAILY basis to the point that he’ll get mad and cuss her out.
A month before I moved his job site location changed and 2 days after being at the new site he ws working on one of the women in the office’s house doing side jobs. Turns out she was the owner of the company’s sister and this is no small comp. They do multi-million dollar jobs in their industry. He started coming home later, she was calling him at inappropriate times for an “employer” to call an employee ie: 5am, 9:30pm etc…And he came home one night telling me that this “other woman” told him she had had an affair with our cousin’s husband….I told him she sure is having some very candid conversations with you for her to be your “supervisor” and all of a sudden OUR sex life increased. For 4 nights in a row he came home and we had sex everynight and longer than usual. I asked him what’s goin on? Have u been going to strip clubs w/the guys…”no” have you been looking at magazines..again “no” Then it hit me….this woman is coming on to him and flirting with him while he is at her house supposedly working. Then I found out (and I wasn’t supposed to, my son told me about it by mistake in conversation because he was there too) that one weekend when I went out of town he spent the night at her house, and was furious that I knew and then of course claimed nothing happened. The phone calls continued and another night he didn’t come home claiming to be at a friend’s house and couldn’t drive because of drinking (never stopped him before) then I found out he was actually at her house. And again he claimed nothing happened. By now he’s not coming hom til 10, 11pm or later everynight. All the while I’m debating whether to stay or move. On Nov. 6th he called and told his mom he had to go to TN to pick up a broke down company truck. I found out he was with her and they went to KY to get her sister. The next day I went and signed the lease on an apt and moved that weekend.
We rarely saw each other, but talked regularly after that, telling me everytime we talked he loved me and missed me and all the while he is practically living at this womans house. The day I moved he helped me move, did nothing to try to change my mind or fight to try to keep me and that night was at her house and never left except to go home every so often to check on things and get more clothes. He practially moved in with this woman (he couldn’t take all the crap at the house either) then his jobsite moved to TN. On Christmas he sent me a pair of gold hoop earrings via my son and I sent them back. He bought those for me from the same jewlry store while he was shopping for the other woman. Whom he has only been with for 2 mos at this point and he’s buying her JEWELRY?? For chrismas she bought him a gps navigation sys for his truck..about $300, and a new tool box with side rails for his truck which was about $400, and clothes. Again they had only been seeing each other for 2 months spending all this money on each other.
Since then he has been to my apt several times thru out this last 6 mos and spent the night here and there and we’d have sex, he’d hug me and kiss me like he was never going to see me again and then would be back at her house. Still calling, saying I love you, miss you, think about you all the time. All the while telling me that he does not love her, she is not his girlfriend, there’s nothing serious going on yet every weekend he’d leave the job in TN and go to her house. Had the nerve to tell me that If and when I decide to settle down It will only be with you. I won’t be tied down to anybody else but you. A few mos ago he told me he was just using her because of his job, and just 2 weeks ago told me I think about you everyday and wonder if I’m doing the right thing. He sd that “she” gets on his nerves all the time, he knows that nothing will ever come of their relationship, it will never be long term And even told me “honestly I’m not even happy with the sex with her” WHY WOULD HE TELL ME THAT? I asked him IF ALL that is true then why in the hell are you with her…his response was I don’t have to answer to her, she doesn’t “20 question” me, and I guess it’s just a convience. I said it can’t be that convienient if you’re not happy with the sex. A day later he was at my house and spent the night, we had sex, 2 days after that on Firday we went on a date and it went well spent the night together again & made plans to have a Sunday family dinner, just me, him and our 11 yr old. Saturday I already had plans for a dinner date and kept them. Afterwards I went by the house and his truck was gone….HE WENT TO THE OTHER WOMANS HOUSE and took our daughter with him. I called him and busted him out, had a huge blow up and he didn’t leave there til Monday. He called me on Monday and sd I had no intentions on spending the night till you showed your butt..I only went up there to get my check stub and my clothes . Come to find out he told my daughter to bring her suitcase with her when they were leaving so that tells me he had every intention of spending the night. At that point I told him I was done. He’s playing games with both of us and I’m taking my self out of the equation. Am I fighting a loosing battle or what???
The other thing is she just got divorced 2-3 mos before they met. Her ex-husband I found out was also an ex-convict. On top of the fact that apparently she makes it a habit of messing with married men due to the fact that SHE told my him about the affair she had with his cousin’s husband. Now I’m trying to figure out WHY she wants him
1) she knows all his “drama” (me, the kids, his mama, all the turmoil in is house
2) she knows he’s a broke ass, she makes 3 times as
much money as him
3) she knows he’s an alcoholic
4) she knows he’s an ex-convict and on parole
5) she knows he’s lied to her on more than one occasion (and I’ve made sure she knows about the times we’ve spent together since he’s been with her..once I even told her Don’t let him drive your truck his license is suspended…he lied and told her I wAs just starting “crap” and THEN I gave her the automated driver’s lic # to call and hear it for her self…she turns around and gives him the money to take the classes he needs and the fees to get them re-instated.
6) She can’t be that nieve.
7) she’s been married and divorced 3 times
8) she own’s her own house
9) she owns her own 07 ford truck
10) she needs no financial support at all
11) she is the sister of the owner of the company she works for
12) per my son she waves around her credit
I still love him and would do anything for him and I hate that! I use to pray to god everyday that we’d get back together…now I pray to go to help me forget him. Can you PLEASE give me some input and insight to all this, I’m DESPERATE. PLEASE! THANKYOU THANKYOU
Answer Dear Gloria-
I am glad you have figured out that this isnt the life for you and are trying to move on. I know it is VERY hard to let someone go after so long and when you love them so dearly. He has ran to this women for the exact reason he told you-convenience. Meaning he has nothing to deal with when he is with her, she pampers him it sounds like. This is what NEEDY women do. I am sure he doesnt love her at all but she will do anything he says-which comes from her lack of self-esteem. many women out here do the same thing. Of course a man will take this treatment and for us REAL women it is hard to understand. You may think "why is he always with her"? As you said she buys him this, buys him that all the while he has NO responsibilty-WHAT MORE COULD A MAN WANT? He will get tired of her adn truthfully you should pitty them both. You obviously know why you should him as you described to me all his baggage. As for her-she may have money but she is unhappy inside-this is why she sleeps with married men and will throw her money at them b/c she thinks it will get her love-which at the end of the day she will see-it does NOT! You have nothing to worry about, you are on the right track. Help him when you can, be his friend-BUT DO NOT try to be in a realtionship with him b/c at this point he needs a lot of work to be the real man that you deserve. I hope this eases your stress. If I can help any further please let me know & good luck!
