About David Rhodes Expertise Questions related to adultery, abuse, broken relationships. Counselor since 1991 and I have seen and heard just about every story ever told about adultery. First, there is no such thing as just an "emotional affair". "Forsake all others" should mean something. Secondly, the rebuilding a marriage marred by adultery can be stronger, more loving, and fulfilling than you ever imagined. Happiness and peace can be yours once again.
Experience Counselor since 1991 specializing in marital.
Organizations American Psychological Association
National Christian Counselors Association
Education/Credentials Bachelors - Ashland University, Ashland, Ohio
MBA - Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio
PhD - Freedom Bible College, Rogers, Arkansas (under study)
Past/Present Clients Volunteer in "Marriage" category
Expert: David Rhodes Date: 4/21/2008 Subject: Wifes affair
Question This is a unique situation. My wife and I have been married
for 41 years. About a year after ou marriage, I was called
to active duty in the Air Force Reserves. I was sent away
and not knowing how long I would be activated, I wanted my
wife to move in with her parents while I was away because she had a good job, this was a big mistake. I recently found out she had an affair with a co-worker she had dated before she and I were married. She claims the affair lasted
between 18 and 36 months,she doesn't remember exact times.
She confessed they had sex many times during their affair
and she even says they were in love with each other. I guess that is why she ask me for a divorce one time while I was home for the weekend,but I talked her out of it. Upon
questioning her, she admitted to two more sexual encounters
while I was away. A one might stand with a married friend
of her lover just to make her lover jealous and another with a guy she met at a night club. She does not remember
if they had sex once or twice.Although it has been at least 38 years, it hit me like it was yesterday. My wife
swears that she has been a faithful wife and regrets the
past. She says she was just young(20) and immature back then. I am willing to forgive her but I am having trouble
forgetting. The other guy still lives in the vicinity, has
gone to our church and has been friendly to me, of course I
didn't know the past until two months ago. Any advice on
how to handle the situation if we encounter him or his wife
out in public. I wrote him a letter letting him know what
kind of person he was as well as my knowing about the affair.
Thanks
Answer Sam - I understand your pain. It is very important for you to get past this. Your own peace of mind and the health of your marriage depends on it.
There are two things you need to do;
1. Ask your wife any question you want. She is required to answer completely truthfully. A warning though - be careful what you ask as the answers may give you images that you will live with for the rest of your life.
2. Your wife must apologize and you must accept her contrition.
If you do these two things effectively, you will get past this. Even though the events may have been decades ago, your wounds are fresh. Give it time and you will see that you feel better and better. Be patient.
Please let me know how things go. There are some other things we can do if you aren't doing much better in 30 days or so.
