About David Rhodes Expertise Questions related to adultery, abuse, broken relationships. Counselor since 1991 and I have seen and heard just about every story ever told about adultery. First, there is no such thing as just an "emotional affair". "Forsake all others" should mean something. Secondly, the rebuilding a marriage marred by adultery can be stronger, more loving, and fulfilling than you ever imagined. Happiness and peace can be yours once again.
Experience Counselor since 1991 specializing in marital.
Organizations American Psychological Association
National Christian Counselors Association
Education/Credentials Bachelors - Ashland University, Ashland, Ohio
MBA - Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio
PhD - Freedom Bible College, Rogers, Arkansas (under study)
Past/Present Clients Volunteer in "Marriage" category
Expert: David Rhodes Date: 4/10/2008 Subject: phone sex affair
Question My husband and I have been happily married for 20 years. Last year a client of his began flirting with him and then had phone sex with him. He had never encountered such a graphic person and it turned him on and he continued to talk to her on the phone for sex. Six months later she came to his office, stripped and they made out and he put his hands ALL over her, no sex. He later thought he caught something by touching himself during the event and told me about it after I urged him to tell me what was wrong with him. He states he never cared about her, but like the phone calls. He was very attentive to me during this whole time and I never suspected a thing. He was devastated when I found out and said after this, he doesn't even have any desire for his and will always be faithful from now on. Oh, he also found out she had herpes. He talked to her a few times afterwards and maintains he told her they could not do this anymore. He said he would never want me to ever talk like that to him and that he loves our relationship. My question is, has he had a taste of something he can't live without and wouldn't want from me? He's says he can't explain it and he really is physically sick over it. One year prior to this he emailed an old friend and they reminisced (sp?) about there old sex life and flirted alittle and he was sorry then. He is 54, I am 48 and really love each other and our kids. He wants to earn back my respect and I don't know how he should do it. Can we get past this? Can this be a major bad judgement to move beyond from or is this phone sex stuff always with someone?
Answer Hello Michelle - yes, you can get past this. And it is very possible (even likely) that he tried this, found it titillating, and now is disgusted with himself.
For example, it is not unusual for a guy or girl to experiment with gay sex once in their lives. Maybe they got drunk, somebody made a pass at them, and they allowed it to happen. Afterwards, they are physically ill at the thought.
Now, your husbands case is a little different in that it went on for a while - the net effect can be the same.
I suggest that the two of you get to a counselor and see if there may be something deeper than just his inappropriate conduct. Please do so right away.
