AboutPastor Kimberly Lemler Expertise As an Ordained Minister, Life Coach, and Pastoral Counselor, I can help you with questions related to adultery. I was a victim of adultery in my first marriage so I understand deeply the feelings that one has in this situation. How we choose to respond to the situation is vital in our recovery. Letting go of bitterness and unforgiveness is key, and I can teach you how to do that. I have been happily remarried for 16 years.
Outside of AllExperts I can be reached at:
Walk By Faith Counseling Center
www.GodsHealingPower.org
Experience I have personal experience with a husband who committed adultery and have counseled people in this area. I have a weekly radio broadcast and also do street ministry, phone ministry,in-office ministry, e-mail ministry and have ministered on a worldwide prayerline. I am a life coach as well.
Publications Teaching CD's available on our website, GodsHealingPower.org. Look for several of our books to be published and on the website.
Education/Credentials I am a former school teacher, a graduate of Indiana University, 1984. I have received biblical instruction at Victory Bible Institute and am currently working on a PhD.
Expert: Pastor Kimberly Lemler Date: 4/23/2008 Subject: my wife was unfaithful during our engagement
Question My wife had an on again off again affair with her ex last year, before we were
married. Despite daily prayer, I still carry this underlying bitterness and
despair. I often feel like I've forgotten how to love. I truly wish I could
somehow exorcize the bitterness and love her as whole-heartedly as I had at
our relationships outset- I don't think I ever loved anybody like I did her then.
Alas, I can't, and I often find I'm impatient with her when I would previously
have been understanding and supportive.
Basically, I feel like I am not doing her any favors being married to her at this
point, and I am wondering if the bible allows for a divorce in this situation- if
only so that she has a chance to find the kind of love we had again.
Of course, I'd much rather be convinced I could heal myself with time and
prayer. But this looks dubious, and I would hate to force her to spend the rest
of her life with a living reminder of her sexual immorality.
what's the Good Word on this one?
Answer Hi Jon,
The good word on this one is that you have a decision to make...and that decision is to let go of this bitterness before it ruins you. No matter if you stay married to her or not, you still have to dig out this root of bitterness because you are sinning against God, bottom line. You will carry this into your next relationship and it will ruin it.
She was seeing someone else before you were married, so technically, this wasn't adultery on her part. It wasn't right, however and it was fornication. Has she made amends to you? Does she give you reason to mistrust her today? Is she a good wife? Or is this all revolving around your choice to hang on to this root of bitterness that has now grown into a tree trunk in your soul?
No, the Bible doesn't give a reasonable allowance for divorce because you are choosing to hang onto this..
The subject of bitterness and unforgiveness is one that is very long and involved and I am currently teaching a series on this on my radio broadcast and will have the series on CD available after the series is over. Check our website for when that will be available.
For now, you need to understand that you are in a spiritual battle and as a believer, you have been given the tools to overcome this. But you have to understand first the battle before you and then pick up your tools and start to battle this. Read Ephesians 6. This will help you understand that your fight is against a serious foe.
What are your tools? The name, the blood, the Word. Use the Word against the lies that are telling you that you have to hang onto this and that a divorce is the best way out. You combat lies with the truth...so start speaking God's Word. We are to cast down imaginations and every lofty thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God. And we do that with the Word... Putting the Word in your mouth is an weapon of offense and defense. Get on the offense here and use it as a sword.... the Bible says that it is the "sword of the spirit."
Pray for your wife. When you do this, you will start to release that bitterness. Ask the Lord to bless her abundantly and to show Himself strong to her. Most importantly, you need to realize that you have sinned by holding on to this mess inside of you. You are just as guilty as her! God says that if you don't forgive then He will not forgive you. That is pretty powerful! You are not perfect and so you need to get a grip on this truth...
You say you would hate to hate to force her to spend the rest
of her life with a living reminder of her sexual immorality.
That is quite a statement, Jon! You need to realize that accusing spirits are the driving force behind this. These spirits will work through you, if you allow them to. But you have the power to stop this...
Get these books because they will help you tremendously. Biblical Foundations of Freedom by Art Mathias and Dressed to Kill by Rick Renner.
You can pray all you want to, asking God to change this. But he has given the power to YOU to stop this and you need to start spiritual warfare against satan and his cohorts... It's going to be a matter or educating yourself in how to do this, so you need to get the books and the CD.
