| |
You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Adultery > Cheating and stuck deciding
Expert: S. Kessler
Date: 5/17/2008
Subject: Cheating and stuck deciding
Question
I am a mother of 3 that just graduated college. I work at a substance abuse clinic as a counselor, making this situation harder for e to deal with. Heath and I (boyfriend of 3 yrs.)built up from using drugs to living in text to buying a brand new jeep living in a nice house. We were hardly together, which was fine for me because he cant kiss, hold a conversation, intice me,and other issues. Heaths job moved him to arizona and it feel through and through all the time we were together all our financial obligations were co issues. While he was away I met Bryan at scool and we started getting very close. Then heath came home due to some circumstance and I had to let him home whic inter fered with my plan to be gone before he moved back from arizona. Which led to me allowing myself to be in a complete adultery situation. However I did tell heath about bryn but he though was over due to Bryan outreagious outsburst. Finall heath moved out and Bryan in. Bryan started actin out quit chillessly, by pushing a jeep over the moungerin and such. How ever he blames his outburst to the fact I would not tell Health not ot call any more. Bryan and I went and got married in Jan 08 and due to extreme actions from bryan we are now livin aprt. I should want nothing to do with bryan but I cant get him out of my heal. And I am living with heath becuae he offeed to help and I am seeing the pros for him. I am questioning so much about returning to bryan I cant decide who to let go. What the hell is wrong with my sick mind.
Rachelle
Answer
Hi Rachelle~
It sounds like (from what you described) that your husband, Bryan is an abuser. That's not acceptable for him to treat you in such a manner. And it could eventually lead him to getting physical with you (if he hasn't already) at some point in time. You can't put yourself in that type of a position.
You also got married too soon to someone that you didn't fully know and he starting abusing and mistreating you. Besides you don't want to put your children in harms way due to your husband acting out. He's toxic to you if you stay with him or go back to him. And it undoubtably will affect those children one day, meaning the abuse he does to you. So it's not good to put those children in an unhealthy, unhappy home life, and it's very good that you realized this and separated from him in time.
Anyway, my point is this, you need to stay away from him and get him out of your life for good. If that means annulling the marriage and moving on with your life w/o him in order to be safe and happy, then so be it. All of these thoughts and feelings that you're experiencing are totally normal and to be expected.
It would be a wise decision to keep Heath in your life, he seems to be a very great guy and a good support system. Now that doesn't mean you have to be romantically involved with him if you don't wish. The point here is to go with your heart and do what's right for you and what makes you happy. But at this point you can't be with Bryan anymore, if you are, then you stand to keep being in an abusive situation (not good for you or the children). Only you can make that tough decision on what to do next and where to go from here on out.
Add to this Answer
Ask a Question
|
|
