AboutLaura Giles Expertise Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues
Experience I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of the upcoming book "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."
Organizations International Association for Regression Research and Therapies Inc
National Association of Social Workers
C. Jung Society of Tidewater
Publications The Other Child: Children of Affairs
Education/Credentials BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University
Awards and Honors National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
Expert: Laura Giles Date: 5/17/2008 Subject: Emotional Affair
Question I caught my husband having an emotional affair. But this is a bit different. We are close than ever. Are marriage seem to be good.
I have a 13 mth baby. When we had the little it was tough on us, the norm. He went on a course out of town for a month and she was there (Anisa). During this time my daughter and I both were very ill and I vented on the phone with him. Anisa is also married with a 7 mth baby. They started comforting eachother - that point they went out together (not telling me) and one of the trip she said that he has a part of his heart and he responded I lover you.
When they got back -they continued to call every morning and txt all day and talk in the evening infront of me (for a long time)
They wrote stuff like I miss you...Thinking about you. Love always, it just goes on.
I found the emails I had to check I had a gut feeling at one point my husband invited her family to my house to introduce us...I knew future at this point something was going on.
I told him that I felt uncomfortable that they talked so long in the evenings and it was taking the little time we had away from us...he told anisa what I said and she started trashing me. He continued the affair.
They are collegues and I knew they were going to see eachother so I even asked if he felt for her and that I would be find with it, men go thrugh things! I kept a blind eye. I continued to keep him happy and ignored it. Our marriage seem to be fine.
Overall he lied so much and he hurt my daughter (this is the ultimate reason I cant trust him) what do I do?
Answer Hi Sangita,
You can't trust him because he betrayed your trust. It's that simple. If HE wants you to trust him again, he has to behave in ways that deserve that. So check up on him. Is he where he said he's going to be? Is he doing what he said he's going to be doing? The more you validate that he is being a "good boy" the less you will feel that he needs to be checked up on. On the other hand, if he knows you are going to check up on him, he will be less likely to stray- assuming he cares if you find out. (Some affairs are "exit affairs" (meaning excuses to leave the relationship), so the cheater wants to be discovered.)
What YOU can do is figure out what went wrong. What was he missing in your relationship that he found in the other one? Try to provide that. Most people think that it's about sex, but it's probably about wanting to feel important or desired. If he's content at home, what others may offer looks a lot less appealing.
My final suggestion is that he break off all contact with the other woman. It does your relationship no good if he has access to a former lover. It's too tempting to start all that up again and continues to eat at your trust level.
