AboutS. Kessler Expertise I can answer most any question about Adultery. I have experience in dealing with what to expect, how it makes you feel when you find out, etc. My first marriage ended after my "ex" cheated on me. I know how it feels to be cheated on and what you experience while going through adultery. I will answer any of your questions on Adultery to the best of my ability. I have extensive knowledge on this subject. How it not only effect you but your whole family (including the children). I can give you answers on how to deal with it, some of the signs a mate may be cheating, etc. All questions about adultery are welcome.
Expert: S. Kessler Date: 5/19/2008 Subject: cheating husband
Question I been married 13 years and my husband cheated on me in November over a two week period while he was away in school. This hurts so bad because he is a soldier in the army and I have always supported him while he was away, but i found emails and i saw phone calls that he was talking to this woman even after coming back home with me. i read emails that they had sex and he tried to deny it, now he wants me back and I am always sad and crying because i can not deal with it.
Answer Hi Nichelle~
Adultery is the ultimate betrayal in a marriage. It makes you lose every ounce of trust and even respect that you once had for him. It's going to take you a while to cope and deal with his infidelity. You now have to decide what it is you want, need and expect out of this marriage and him. And you also have to contemplate since he cheated, will he ever be tempted to do this again in the future? Chances are that he very likely will. Especially if he's easily tempted. You have to think long and hard if you want to be put in this situation again.
If you do want to give him another chance, then you should make it a requirement that in order to salvage the marriage, you want him to go to marriage counseling with you. You have to both be willing to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work. With counseling you should be able to figure out why he did this to begin with. The most common reason for someone straying in a marriage is there's something lacking in it. Such as attention, affection, attraction, love, physical/emotional connection, etc. So they seek is out elsewhere.
You need to find a way to try and get over this. He has to also be willing to do whatever it takes, and be supportive of you during this rough time you're going through. It's a slow process to begin to trust him again. After all he betrayed your trust, so he has to earn it back. At this point all you can do is take life one day at a time. And to decide you want out of this marriage, and even if you want to remain in it for the long haul. Only you can make that tough choice.
