More Adultery Answers
Question Library
Ask a question about Adultery
Volunteer
Experts of the Month
Expert Login
Awards
About Us
Tell friends
Link to Us
Disclaimer
|
| |
|
|
| |
| | | |
About David Rhodes
Expertise
Questions related to adultery, abuse, broken relationships. Counselor since 1991 and I have seen and heard just about every story ever told about adultery. First, there is no such thing as just an "emotional affair". "Forsake all others" should mean something. Secondly, the rebuilding a marriage marred by adultery can be stronger, more loving, and fulfilling than you ever imagined. Happiness and peace can be yours once again.
Experience
Counselor since 1991 specializing in marital.
Organizations
American Psychological Association
National Christian Counselors Association
Education/Credentials
Bachelors - Ashland University, Ashland, Ohio
MBA - Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, Ohio
PhD - Freedom Bible College, Rogers, Arkansas (under study)
Past/Present Clients
Volunteer in "Marriage" category
| | |
| |
You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Adultery > My mothers affair
Expert: David Rhodes
Date: 5/8/2008
Subject: My mothers affair
Question
Right after my ninth birthday my mother began having an affair with my father's cousin. I knew about it from the very beginning. It continued until I was 15. It was the most horrible time in my life. My mother turned into a monster. She would yell and scream at me and my younger sister and brother, but the worst part was the way she treated my father. I tortured myself over it. I would sit at the bottom of the steps and listen to her talk to him on the phone for hours. She never wanted to have anything to do with us. It broke my heart, but I took it upon myself to protect everyone else. I never wanted my dad to find out or my sister and brother. I used to think it was my fault that it happened and I still kind of do. This other man owned a business and needed someone to help him out with answering phones for a week. I volunteered my mother and that is when it began.
I don't know when exactly, but it ended sometime after my freshman year of high school. I didn't ever think about it again until two years ago when my son was born. I had always thought of what she did as something that hurt my dad, but now I think of as something she did to hurt me too.
My dad wasn't bad to her. He always gave her everything she ever wanted. He worked a lot though, so I can understand that she was lonely and needed someone. My dad is a wonderful person and I hated the way she was hurting him, but what I didn't realize was how bad she was hurting us too. My brother was only two when it began. I remember worrying that he would never know Mom when she was caring and loving to us.
The hardest part for me to deal with is that she knew that I knew the whole time and that I would never say anything to anyone. She used to have his daughter come over all the time and talk about how fabulous she was. I kept a check list. On the top of it I wrote "All the things I have to do so my mother will love me too".
I love my son and my new baby so much and would never do anything to hurt them like that. I don't know why she didn't love me enough to not do that to me. I don't know how to deal with this anymore. It consumes me. I wake up with bad dreams. I can't get it off my mind. I' ve never told anyone before because I'm so embarassed and I don't want to hurt anyone or bring it up. Please let me know how to deal with it, so I can move on.
Answer
Hi Katie - I need to ask you a couple of questions before answering you.
First, you mention that this issue consumes you, wakes you with bad dreams, etc. What exactly is it that bothers you? Is it the fact that you knew and did not tell? Or that you allowed it to go on even though you now feel it may have hurt your siblings?
Please just let me know what about the whole matter weighs on you. I will be able to respond more accurately if I know that.
Also, have you seen a counselor about this? If you are waking up at night - have you seen your doctor?
Please write me back when you can.
Regards,
David
Add to this Answer
Ask a Question
|
|
