AboutPastor Kimberly Lemler Expertise As an Ordained Minister, Life Coach, and Pastoral Counselor, I can help you with questions related to adultery. I was a victim of adultery in my first marriage so I understand deeply the feelings that one has in this situation. How we choose to respond to the situation is vital in our recovery. Letting go of bitterness and unforgiveness is key, and I can teach you how to do that. I have been happily remarried for 16 years.
Outside of AllExperts I can be reached at:
Walk By Faith Counseling Center
www.GodsHealingPower.org
Experience I have personal experience with a husband who committed adultery and have counseled people in this area. I have a weekly radio broadcast and also do street ministry, phone ministry,in-office ministry, e-mail ministry and have ministered on a worldwide prayerline. I am a life coach as well.
Publications Teaching CD's available on our website, GodsHealingPower.org. Look for several of our books to be published and on the website.
Education/Credentials I am a former school teacher, a graduate of Indiana University, 1984. I have received biblical instruction at Victory Bible Institute and am currently working on a PhD.
Question Yes, I am a Christian. I've been married for 40 years; two grown children. Despite my asking, pleading, and anything else I can think of he has not had sex with me for over l6 years. There is no effort to satisfy me in any way, sexually and he does not want to talk about it. he did have ED problems but says Viagra will kill him.
About 15 years ago I became sexually involved with another man to satify my needs. He is a long time friend who has no expectations of getting married to me. And the same here. I do not want a divorce; all is ok at home except for the need to satisfy me sexually. My husband is adamant about not going to any kind of counseling and will not discuss it.
The periodic meetings with my long time friend took care of my sexual needs and probably stopped me from leaving home a long time ago. A few months ago the guilt finally caught up with me and I stopped the sex with my friend and again had a talk with my husband about my needs. He has done nothing and the only change is I am again sexually frustrated. My husband is addicted to porn and has been ever since we have been married.
The bible is telling me I'm down to two choices: divorce or celibacy. Isn't there a possible third choice here? Will I really go to hell if I satisfy my needs with my friend since there is no other option? I'm even wondering if there is such thing as a compromise such as mutual masturbation with my friend. Not possible with my husband. Why is God forcing me to suffer this way? Why aren't there exceptions to unusual situations?
Answer Hi Ronny,
You only have 2 options...divorce or celibacy. There is no other option. Adultery is adultery and I would recommend spending some time in the Word and with the Lord. Repent for the adultery and ask Him for forgiveness and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness. This is a serious matter, Ronny.
The world says it's okay. Movies and TV tell us that adultery and fornication are fine. Sex and the City glorifies sleeping around. It's all a grand illusion. The truth is that God means what He says and say what He means. There is no compromise in the Word of God. The Bible tells us that the road is narrow and few find it. That is really saying that there will be a whole boat load of people facing satan in hell. Don't let yourself be one of them..
I know that you feel as if you are justified. Your husband is NOT a husband and he is not treating his wife as Jesus would want him to. It's a disgrace. You have put up with it way too long. Why do you stay? You really have to make a choice here. Either you stay with him the way he is, live with it and learn to like it, or you can divorce him and move on with your life. You can get married again to someone who is willing to have sexual relations. The Bible says to marry or burn with lust. Better to marry!!
I am sorry that your husband has such problems. He is committing adultery beacuse of his lust for other women through porn. He needs help. He is bound and chained and satan has him on a short leash. And if he is not willing to get help and you give him an ultimatim, then you have to make a decision. God is not against divorce. It is a gift of His love in intolerable situations. And I would say that yours is intolerable. So many women linger in bad situations for years and years. I can just hear Jesus when they get to heaven one day... "I never said you had to stay!!" But because of fear, they won't make a choice.
God is not making you suffer! Don't attribute the works of satan to God. God's not happy when that happens!! You need to repent for thinking this, Ronny. God only wants good for your life. You really need to understand the nature of God and who He really is. If you truly knew God, you could not say that He is making you suffer.
Get out of your suffering and get a divorce! It's your choice! God is not tying your hands and He is NOT making you suffer!
"I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope." Jeremiah 29:11
I will be doing a teaching on divorce soon on my radio broadcast. Check the website for when the CD of the series will be available. There has been a terrible misinterpretation of scriptures regarding divorce and I hope to set a lot of women (and men) free with God's truth...
Keep me informed as to what you decide to do, Ronny. The decision is yours to make...May God show you the path you need to take...
