Expert: Dr. Mabel Swaby - 11/4/2011

Question
I have been married for the past 18 years to my husband.  We have two children who are 11 and 15 years old.  During 3/210 I discovered that my husband had been having an affair, of at least one year.  However, I had always wondered if he was having an affair because of so many unanswered questions. One being during 2006 I was diagnosed with an STD.  Once again that was an extremely difficult and challenging time in my life.  Of course my husband denied being involved with anyone and professed his love for me.  I reconciled by saying the results were a "false positive." After my first discovery I was devastated to say the least.  However, I decided to remain married and we went to marriage counseling and we were working together to make our relationship better. Within the past week, I determined that my husband was in a relationship with another women that dates back to 2002 that seemingly went until 2009.  In addition, he would go out on dates with other women and he had an account with a dating Internet site, i.e.Match.com.  At this point Iam seriously considering divorce and have shared this with my husband.  He says he has changed and desires to go to counseling however I believe there is nothing left and that I will never trust him.

Answer
Hi Denise,
I am sorry you are going through this, but thank you for writing. It seems like you have been going through a lot in your marriage. I am sorry that the children have to be involved, I hope they are okay.You say you have already going to counseling. As a Christian Counselor, I understand that counseling only works when the counselee are honest and willing to work on the marriage(Commitment, change, completing homework assignments etc) Trust and communication are the two elements needed in a marriage for it to work properly. I did not find in a question in your letter. Divorce is a decision that only you can make.  If you have a question please feel free to write back, and I will try to respond. Are you Christian? I hope this helps a little.

Dr. Swaby