Expert: Laura Giles - 12/25/2011

Question
I'm a 16 year old girl.  i accidentally found out that my dad has been cheating on my mom. No one in the family knows except me. i don't know what to do! should i tell my mom or brothers? i'm scared coz i don't want them to over-react and even now i sort of feel protective of my dad! yet i don't trust him now! n i hate watching him with my mom....i don't wanna blame anyone but i just wanna it to stop! i feel that i cannot talk to anyone specially my siblings coz i don't want my dad to know that i know! anyway i don't want my siblings to feel any disrespect toward our parents and i don't want them to get hurt!
i wanna do something but i don't know what! Should i confront them or not? is it my place to do so?  i'm just utterly confused n helpless! please give me some sort of idea on what to do here!

Answer
Dear Helpless,

Your dad has already disrespected every one of you. Keeping secrets out of loyalty to someone who isn't loyal doesn't make sense. The deed has already been done. The hurt has already been created. It just hasn't been revealed or experienced yet. Keeping quiet about this doesn't make it go away. It just delays the inevitable.

I am really sorry that your dad has put you and your family in this situation. It's not your place to interfere in your parent's business, but your dad has made it your business, unfortunately.

My advice is to tell your mother and your siblings and then step out of it. Let them decide how they want to handle their relationship with your dad. Then you have to do the same. This is something that has happened to all of you. Your dad has done something that affects all of you and he has to bear the consequences of his behavior. If he is truly sorry, he will make it up to you.

Sorry,

Laura Giles