Expert: Laura Giles - 12/29/2011

Question
I have been married for 2 years to a wonderful man and father. We have been together for 8 years total. Four months ago, my ex walked back into my life after 15 years. We started talking at first, through email and phone, then I started hanging out with him at his house and with other mutual friends. We began the affair with the intentions of it just happening once. Now neither myself or my ex seem to have the ability to stop. We have both become emotionally attached and love each other deeply. I care very deeply for my husband but the reasons for our relationship and our marriage revolve around our two children. I have always been in love with my ex. Our relationship ended because of our families not getting along. We have always tried to be with one another but one of us has always been taken. This is the first time we have taken our emotions further than an email or phone call. What do I do? Should I stay with my husband for the kids, or should I proceed with a divorce?

Answer
Hello,

There is no way anyone can answer this question for you. It really depends on what you value, what you believe, and what you want.

This affair is a sign that something is missing within your marriage. It is a sign that you are not living authentically within yourself. I would cut off the affair to keep from adding more damage and not make any decisions about leaving or staying until you have worked out what it is your marriage is missing. I'd also take some time to get to know yourself. It's probably true that whatever you need can be met within the marriage.

So my advice is to talk to a counselor. A counselor can help you to sort your feelings out. If you prefer to do this alone, check out http://www.journeyofme.net. There is a forum there for people who want to get to know themselves. It can help you on that journey. Once you can clearly identify who you are, what you value, and what you want, it will be easier for you to make a decision that is in alignment with those things. That is the only way you will find long term happiness.

Sincerely,

Laura Giles