Expert: Laura Giles - 12/25/2011

Question
Laura,
I've been married for 26 years. I found out about 6 years ago my husband had asked me if we could buy our homebuilders association execuative director flowers for secertaries day. I had no idea he actually had me help him pick out flowers for his 'girl friend'! A few months later, she tricked me by telling me our christmas dinner/dance would be formal.  She wore a black teddy type dress and lifted it up & exposed herself while calling out my husband's name.  We left immediately. My husband chose not to leave me. This woman began to stalk&/harass me. She inlisted a few of her friends to cyber harass me. This woman even tried to cause me to have an accident on the freeway with a semi truck by preventing me to make a safe lane change. I have made 3 police incident reports of her continued harassments. I was told by the clerk taking my report that I couldn't report her because she is an influencial person in our small town community. This woman had harassed me from Dec.05 to Oct.09, until my husband went to her office&told her to "Stop It".  Hubby swears he didn't have an affair with her.  Why would she behave this way towards me? I was clueless.  In 06' our son's best friend died of a drug over dose, which tells me our son was using, as well. My husband went to the funeral looking for more woman & young girls to play with. He was not available to help our family through this crisis.  Our son was overwhelmed hearing about our trouble. He came home&told me "his father's problem was because I didn't give him enough sex".  Our son broke a glass&put the chips in my hands saying, "I was the one breaking the family apart". My husband grabbed my hands&held me down while our son got on top of me&told me I was worthless as a mother&wife.   
In May'07, my husband handed me his 44 loaded revolver telling me to "shoot him". It took me about one&a half hours in front of the hospital deciding if I needed to commit myself or choose not to let his actions question my Truth. Instead, I called our local woman's shelter for our daughter&I to find a safe place. I told them what was happening and the name of the woman stalking&harassing me. We were denied shelter. Three months later, I read in our local newspaper, this woman is a board member of this woman's shelter!
Prior, we had been involved with several business aventures. Hubby flirted with some of the women there. One woman wore a 16inch sarong for her skirt to a business dinner meeting to entice my husband right in front of me.
I realize, NOW, during our whole marriage there were "many events" that took place.  Such as, while going grocery shopping hubby would flirt with the cashiers to the extent at times he has shown them his stimulated erection thru his pants.  This has happened with our youngest daughter's chior teacher during a teacher/parent meeting.  The woman almost fell off her chair. Our daughter recieved an F for that grade period, too boot.  These cashiers, when I would come in alone, they would be disrespectful to me and treat me harshly, damaging my produce etc. I had only thought they were having a bad day, to the degree they were abusive, I prayed for their souls.  Our youngest daughter told me she witnessed her father flirting with one of these cashiers and that they almost had sex right there in the check stand. So, he has humilated our youngest daughter, as well. He did admit he has had sex with me fantasizing of my oldest daughter when she was 16+, admitted having sex with me fantasizing of several of our other children's friends between the ages of 13-20. Now, that I look back, our children's friends turned mean&began treating them harshly, as well.      
I told my husband I wouldn't stay with him unless he got a mental & physical eval/check-up.  We were told he is 80% OCD and that I should divorce him. As this type of Sex Addiction/OCD will cause him to spiral out of control either causing his untimely death or he will commit suicide. I was able to get him on seritonine medication, as I understood, with this type of wrong thinking creates higher dopamine levels. I even thought about 'copper toxicity' as he has worked with copper for 40 years. We did a heavy metals cleanse. We changed our eating, no sugar, soy, gluten, lactose, alcohol or caffine.  Our eating habits have been squeeky clean.
He has tricked 3 different Pastors @ their churches I tried to inlist for help. When I tried to tell them of this abuse, they have responded like I was out of my mind with jealousy and my husband could bring his new girlfriend or wife to their church.  One time when I got so frusterated with my husband lying, I kicked the tire of our truck. The pastor grabbed me&man handled me saying"I was posessed with a demon"!  Amazing how foolish these men are!
This Christmas eve shopping ended with him getting another woman (cashier) to act out sexually towards him in front of me.  Where can I go for  shelter and to get away?  I have no family (as they are abusive...why I was probably susceptable to this type of abuse in the first place).  Hubby has wrecked our finances and we are in foreclosure in our home. I have no one or nowhere to get support.  Isn't this what a Sociopath does?  I believe hubby is toxic with shame, guilt and he is a Romantic Sociopath. How do I start my life over after he has drug me through the ringer&I can't get a job working along side of these women in this town. He has already put his desires out on them.  They are just waiting to kick me to the curb.  Hubby tells me he wants to get help.  His parents think Nothing is wrong with him & his actions are because he's not happy in our marriage.  
Thank you,
Mona

Answer
Dear Mona,

My advice is to leave town. Go to a shelter in a town with no connection to you, your husband, or the stalker. Find a shelter there and start over. It will be hard, but you need to get away from all these influences. Cut of all contact (which you must if you are in a shelter anyway).

Good luck,

Laura Giles