Expert: Laura Giles - 12/22/2011

Question
My wife went on a trip the end of november. While she was gone I needed some personal information, upon finding it I noticed that we only had 4 condoms left in the drawer. It made me start to think of all sorts of things and so I've asked her before, and she says no but she always seems guilty. The first night she was back we went to go to bed and she wanted to do something, but I told her to wait until morning which caused her to retaliate "what you trying to rest up to see your girlfriend tomorrow" in a very mean and angered manner. I did not say anything about the condoms and decided to wait. She goes into work much later then I on wensday so I put a voice recorder out and left for work. When I got home and listened to it I was not happy to say the least. I stayed calm and waited for her to come home. When she did I asked her about the condoms and she said there was only suppose to be 4 because we hadn't used any in awhile and she was keeping track of them to see if any went missing. I said that's funny because when I put them in the drawer there were eight. I could still be wrong but I've been watching them and we are trying to have a kid so we haven't used them in a very long time. Also I noticed that it went down to six a few months before this incident. After that I played some of the recording which had male and female moaning on it. She denied it, then said she didn't know what it was, and then said it was from her masterbating while watching a movie. I asked her again if she was sure because she was jumping around a lot and she said that it was a embarassing subject, because I've asked if she's done that before and she said no which I understand the usefullness of masterbation, well then she started saying that if I wanted to hear that she was cheating then she would tell me that even tho it wasn't true, and kept saying I was trying to justifi something. I left it alone and excepted her answer. Well a few days later, we shower together, and the shower is not very big so when washing my hair I accidently hit her boob and she got extremly mad and started to say "That's why I" and then blinked and looked like she was going to pass out and had to sit down. I guess I go into stages of denial or just don't want to accept it without certain proof, but I know she feels unloved but I try my best to show I love her in my ways, but they are not the ways she wants it so she always seems sad because I don't show I love her her way, but she doesn't do much to show me and if I say that she says she takes care of the house and the pets, but doesn't say anything regarding how that shows love to me. Its all rather confusing and logically there is a lot of evidence.... oh and to verify with the recording I asked her which movie she watched and the scene and I tried to match the sound from the movie to the recording and it didn't match. I don't know things just seem different and she doesn't take standpoints like she used to. Whenever we first got together she may have accused me of cheating (which I never have) and if I asked her she would say I would never cheat. Yet, ever since before we got married she doesn't say that anymore. Any guidance would be much appreciated so I can get all this off my mind so that I can keep working at the important stuff.

Answer
Hi Dale,

I am not sure if I understand what happened. I also am not sure what you are asking me. Can you send clarification?

Are you saying that you think your wife is having an affair and you don't know what to do? Are you saying that your wife doesn't seem to love you anymore and you want advice on how to change that?

Sincerely,

Laura Giles