Expert: Laura Giles - 9/14/2011

Question
My mom and stepdad has been together since I was 3, I am now 19. My mom went on a trip a month ago with my sister, and ever since they've been gone my step dad has been doing his cheating. I'd rather not get into detail about how I know he's cheating on her because I have enough proof and it's irrelevant at this point. My problem is whether or not I should tell my mom when she comes back. It's really painful me to see him do this to her because I would hate to see them divorced. I'm not really close to my step dad but it makes me sad that he would put his own daughter through this (my  sister whom is only 13). So what do I do? Should I tell her or should I not?

Answer
Hello,

First of all, your parent's business is their business. It's not your place to get involved. That said, if you choose to tell your mother, know that you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. So, you really need to think about this before you do anything.

How do you know she doesn't already know? (Rhetorical question) How do you know that she is ready to deal with this now? Maybe she prefers to look the other way because she doesn't want to get divorced either. If you get involved, you force the issue. I say let her find out and deal with it in her own time. You are her son, not her best friend or her savior. Don't get involved with your parent's business.

For a million reasons, it's not good for you to get involved. Not to mention that the messenger is often the "bad guy", so this may not turn out so well for you.

Sincerely,

Laura Giles