Expert: Dr. Mabel Swaby - 9/24/2011

Question
i have been married since 2004 to a wonderful wife. i love God and i ve been saved since 2001. i decided to do the work of god out of desires as part-time pastor starting 2006 combined with my secular work as accountant. though it has not been easy for us as couple particularly in the area of sex. i wanted sex but my wife does not want it.

sometime in June 2010, i begin to behave funny which lead to adultery with one of my female friend and i never stop there. i was moving from one lady to another lady till may 2011. during these period i tried to stop but i could not stop my mess. continue with double life as a pastor and adulterer.

until i meet a lady that use charm (juju) on me and took my manhood to the satanic spiritual world and ultimately i became impotent then it dawn on me that my life has been sold out to the devil.

i could not tell anybody what happened to me. i cried and prayed to god for repentance and forgiveness and eventually i spoke a pastor in another church and confess sins to him. we begin to pray together for miracle and indeed my impotency was restore after a week (the greatest miracle that has ever happened to me).

i believe god loves me more than what i can ever imagine and that was he healed and restore my potency, i mean He will have just leave me with the impotency as a punishment for my disobedience forever and ever.

however, my question is that, there was a Macedonia call to pioneer a new church in another city and i am stir to go for it because i have passion for souls but i feel guilt that can i be use by god despite all the mess that happened to me.

before the above statement i intend to quit my recent part-time pastoring and face my secular job because of all the past mess in my life even it unknown to a lot of people. i just want live a normal christian life and serve in a local church without anything called pastoring a church (either part or full time).

on the other hand i feel like resigning from my job to answer the macedonia call in another city because the new pioneering mission work requires a full time pastor but i am afraid hoping it is not my feeling that is just pushing me.

my thought are it is better let things be the way there are in the my newness of life that i have now than to act on desires for the kingdom and have a end-result that looks like a disaster which will not only affect me but i will affect my wife and children.

Answer
Dear Balance,
Thank you so much for posting your question. "Yes there is hope" Our Heavenly Father is always ready to forgive when we ask. He proved that to you by restoring your"Manhood" He wants you to use it to please your wife,and your wife only! "God is indeed a miracle worker."  All believers need God's forgiveness. John 1:8-10 His forgiveness is complete and final.John 2:1-2

I am pleased to see that you were able to recognize satan' devices and cry out to the Lord to help you. God does love you/us more that we can ever imagine. He could have left you in the state you found your yourself in, but He loves you too much to do that.

No! No! Balance, don't allow the devil to lie to you. Do not be caught up in guilt, you have been forgiven and restored. Just be careful not to get entangled again. Do not let guilt cause you to not allow God to use you. Keep praying and trusting God, He is faithful to guide and direct you. Are you called to pastor? "Then pastor." God will direct you to where he wants you to serve Him. Where do you think the desire to serve God is comming from? Certainly not satan!

I am sorry I cannot tell you if you should or should not move to another city to pastor. I believe you need to pray and discuss that with your wife.
Balance, please know that God has forgiven you, now forgive yourself and start living for the Lord.  Balance,remember David and Paul, after they sinned? God forgave them and then used them mightly, and He will do the same for you, man of God. May God Bless you always. Thank you so much for writing. I pray that God has directed and guided me to give you an answer that will both encourage and bless you. Dr. Swaby