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Adultery/husband in love with the other woman he's having affair with

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Question
Confonted him 1 month ago and he admitted he is having an affair that started as friendly meetings with this woman at work but he got more intimate and started talking about our marriage, his complaints about me, how I am in our marriage.  the OW (other woman) was just divorced a year ago so they have something in common to talk about and they also had sex and he has been living with her since I kicked him out of the house.  we've been married 20 years and it has been rocky since our son was 2 yrs old.  my husband smothered me when we first got married then when our son was born, his attention shifted to him and smothered our son that I was not able to be a mother to my son.  His mom passed away 1 yr ago.  now he told me he is in love with the OW and he doesn't have a loving feeling towards me anymore that he stayed only because of our son.  asked him for 2nd chance he refused he stated he wanted to pursue the other woman.  our marriage is not salvageable, he's moved on and turned his back from us.  should I wait? should I file for divorce?  i told him even though we had fights, my feelings for him never changed.  is that normal? i'm still hoping for the best that someday he will wake up and come back  :-(

Answer
Dear Gina,

As sad as your situation seems, you probably have better things in store.  Your husband is a cheater, and he is now living with another cheater.  I call the OW a cheater because she slept with your husband knowing he was married.  Now between them they have a man who has no respect for his own vows, and a woman who has no respect for someone else' relationship, and therefore cannot have any more respect than that for her own.  I wouldn't give them a very high expectation for the future, but they made their own bed.

Your wanting your husband back is a function of human nature.  Your time together created a natural bond that is naturally painful to break.  The good thing is that the pain does have an end, and it will eventually fade and go away.

I recommend you go ahead and file for divorce.  When you do that, if there is a possible wake up call for your husband, that will be it.  Divorce filings can be cancelled easily enough if he realizes what he is doing and wants to repent and save your marriage.  If not, then just get on Eharmony and find an honest man with good religious values who will never cheat.

Have you ever seen those cartoons where the character walks off the edge of a cliff but doesn't fall down until he realizes there is nothing under him?  Sometimes when the faithful spouse finally decides to look elsewhere, the cheating spouse looks around and says "huh?"  And they re-take inventory of their situation.  It doesn't always happen that way, but if you file for divorce and he just agrees with it, then it looks like it was the right thing to do anyway.

Gina, your story is sad, and I really do know what you are going through.  You are going to have to look forward to a happy future.  Aim yourself upward, out of the pain and onward to new things.  In all reality, if you get back with your husband, you are only going back to a cheater.  Get in shape unless you already are, and search for someone as faithful as you.

I really hope and wish the best for you.  Thanks so much for confiding in me.

Adultery

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I can answer questions about how to handle your position with a cheating spouse or one that has cheated recently. How to straighten up your life and get back on track one way or the other. My answers will include God because He fills the most vital part in your recovery. They will also include help with the decisions you will have to make to clean things up.

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