Question I am 22 yrs old, my husband is 33. He and I are getting a divorce and seperated. He left me and our children because i have bpd and was going through a hard time. He always was talking to other girls but would threaten to leave me if he suspected i liked a male or was to polite to a male. He was really controlling and I want to divorce him after all the things he has put me through. We tried to make things work after he left me and my 3 kids two days before rent was do and had just had my youngest so i was not working. He hit me during our separation for kissing someone else. Now I am living with my mother and my 3 children and am flirting with an ex whom i never really got over. I want to be with him and my husband says i am committing adultery. We are not having sex, only talking on the phone text messaging and Facebook chatting. We have not even seen each other in person. Have i committed emotional adultery even though my husband and i are separated and wanting to be divorced? I could go into it all more but im sure you can work with this.. feel free to ask questions if you need me to elaborate more.
Answer Hello Kisha,
Adultery has different definitions depending upon the law of your state, your religion and the dictionary. Most states with laws against adultery define it as having sexual relations with someone else. The dictionary defines it as sex with someone other than your spouse while married. Religion is a bit trickier.
Your marriage doesn't end because you separate and want to end a marriage. Marriage ends with a divorce decree.
My interpretation of your behavior is NOT adultery, but I don't think it's a good idea for you, your children or your jealous and possessive spouse. I think this will cause many more problems than it solves. Waiting until you are legally divorced will give everyone a chance to heal and get used to you and your husband not being together anymore and reduce the likelihood of drama.
Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues
I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."
Organizations National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network
Publications The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions
Education/Credentials BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University
Licensed clinical social worker
Awards and Honors National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals