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Adultery/Reconciliation

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Question
I had been married for 15 years with two young children. Now we have been separated for a year and half. The main cause of the separation has to do with her cheating and unfaithfulness. The separation has been rough and she has been vindictive. However, lately, things are changing from her side. Now she is showing willingness to reconcile. One of the reasons is, I think, she is going to move out of the house that she and the kids have been resided. The house is going for foreclosure.  Do you think itís an honest reconcile from her side? I am not sure if I have to reconcile just because of the kids that they have to have both parents. I just need your opinion so I will have some idea what to do next.

Thank you so much
Jimmy

Answer
Hello Jimmy,

I talk to a lot of people who are uncertain about reconciling because they don't like the reason either they or the other person are initiating it. My question to you is, does it matter? If both of you decide to be together HAPPILY, why does it matter why you made that choice?

Hear me out. I knew a couple that had infidelity on one or both sides (I can't remember now). They took a look at what it could cost them to divorce and realized that neither could sustain their standard of living if they split. They decided they liked their lifestyle and committed to being together happily. In other words, they started to show appreciation for what they had. They started to be more forgiving, respectful, and understanding. This made them both better partners. They now ENJOY their lives together.

Another example is cultures where there are arranged marriages. I couldn't imagine being with a stranger, but I know many people who have started their lives that way and are deliriously happy. They COMMITTED to being together and making the best of whatever life gave them. They took charge of their own happiness and created a pleasant place for themselves, their spouses and their children because they knew there was no way out of it.

My advice to you is, if you want to be with this lady, accept her back. Commit to the relationship and do what you can to make it good. I don't mean give her stuff. I mean show her love, tenderness, appreciation, and respect. Anyone who gets that will respond in kind.

Let go of the measurements. When we compare, we tend to come up short. Love what you have. We all have things to be thankful for.

Sincerely,

Laura Giles

Adultery

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Laura Giles

Expertise

Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues

Experience

I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

Organizations
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

Publications
The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

Education/Credentials
BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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