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Adultery/Is my husband cheating


I have been wondering for some time now if my husband might be cheating on me with someone he just claims is a friend. About 6 weeks ago my husband was acting really distant and less socialable with me. I ask him why I felt all this distance and that's when he started telling me he was confused and didn't know if this relationship was what he wanted anymore or if he still loved me the same way and that he wanted a separation (but only a trial, no divorce at this point). We have been together 10 years with two little girls and now married for 6 years. I know we've had some ups and downs, but I didn't realize that this was just around the corner. I knew we had some things to work on, but I never suspected that he didn't love me and everyone who knows us as a couple are completely mind boggled by all this as well and have said they would have never known he didn't love me from the way he would act when we were together with friends. So, to me this really seems like a total 180 to me.

I found out from my children that he had taken them to a friends house one day when he took them to pick up his check so that I could go to the library and work on school. The children and him came home right before he had to head out to work and he jumped right in the shower. The children told me that Daddy had taken them over to his friend (we will call her 'K') K's house. I have no idea who this women is and he's all of sudden taking my kids over there to play and hang out without telling me what he's doing. I have talked to him about K and he claims they are just friends with a similar situation in common to talk about with the separation between us because she has been going through the same thing with her husband for awhile now. Even though I had my suspicions I let it go and tried not to think about it. Since then he has met her for lunch with our youngest daughter twice that I know of and taken the kids there to hang out one night. They were all to watch a movie with the kids and I find out from the kids that they played in her sons bedroom and watched a movie while my husband helped K put up her Christmas tree. I also find him texting her quit regularly and even early in the morning at like 8 a.m. He's been spending several nights away from home saying he is staying a "friend's" houses....once and awhile he will use a friends name, but I can't help but wonder if he's ever stayed the night at K's house without telling me.

Hubby and I still have intimate interactions a couple times a week because he says he wants to work on things, but I'm not so sure.

I'm so he cheating? How would I know for sure? How can I fix things if he is when he won't admit it to me? Or his he just holding out til he has the courage to ask for a divorce? What should I do?


Yes, your husband is cheating. If not physically, then emotionally. You don't have to have physical proof to know what your gut is telling you is true (but the evidence you gave me is pretty compelling).

As long as your husband continues this relationship, you will have an uphill battle with trying to win him back. However, what you can do is be the girl he fell in love with. Think about what it was like back then and be those people. Be what the other woman is. Do what she does. When he gets from you what he has from her, he won't need her anymore.

When he's home, THEN you ask him to give you the truth and work on the problems that brought you both to this. One thing at a time. He's not at a place where he's ready to deal with what he's done.


Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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