I am married 2 and half years and has 2 nad half daughter. My husband wants to be separated and honestly tell me that he has a another girl, the same with the girl before. From the beginning of our marriages he has a girl that he said he love most. He said he tried to forget that girl but he can't. Now, he told me that i can't blame him to have a another girl because he is irritated every time he sees me not fixing myself, put on deodorant and because i have ab ig belly and everything, i am not seductive all the negative side of mine..i know, i have a smell on my armpits every time i am sweating. he said that's the reason why he go to his girl because of my poor hygiene. Now, he told me that if it's ok to have us his family and to have his girl at the same time..I am thinking to let him go, because i don't this kind of situation but i also want to prove to him that i can change my poor hygiene. If i leave him how can he see me improving my hygiene? Because i really want to prove to him that i can change. But also it hurts to know that he can;t leave his girl..He said he cant give us because we are family and he cannot give up the girl either. If i continue on this relationship to prove to him that i can change may attitude in cleanliness while he is having affair, can this strategy be possible that my husband will get back to me ang leave the girl? Or i should talk the girl that please leave us alone. I love my husband and i dont to be separated because of that reason, i know i am wrong because i am not aware of my cleanliness and i am willing to change, i can change! its just so shameful that's the reason why he wants to leave me.

Dear Jane,

I am sorry for taking so long.  Since I started working full time I don't see my computer as much!

In your situation it sounds like your husband has made clear to you what his position is.  He wants both of you.  He is wrong, frankly, but it sounds like he's not going to choose one or the other of you.  Because of that, you must make a choice.

You can choose to leave him and leave your marriage.  You will be alone until you find another man.  It's an unfortunate situation, but you will have to make one decision or the other, then live with the consequences.  On the one hand, you leave, deal with the pain, find a faithful man and journey into the unknown.  On the other hand, you stay with him, clean up your hygiene and get your body into shape, and be the loyal patient woman who will eventually win him over.  It's a tough choice, but if you are able to live with the other woman in the picture then you may want to choose that way.

I wish I could help more, but your husband has made it very clear where he stands.  He wants to be a cheater and remain a cheater.  It's up to you whether you choose to live with it and try to eventually win him over the other woman.  I wish you all the best, and thanks so much for confiding in me!


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The Man of Steel


I can answer questions about how to handle your position with a cheating spouse or one that has cheated recently. How to straighten up your life and get back on track one way or the other. My answers will include God because He fills the most vital part in your recovery. They will also include help with the decisions you will have to make to clean things up.


Was cheated on several times by the same woman. We were able to save and keep our marriage, and we will never have this problem again.

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Five years of college, 24 years of working in various hands-on fields, and several technical fields.

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