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Adultery/Emotional affair


My wife and I just recently celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  We have been through alot  together including the loss of a child.  Recently i noticed a text message on her phone from someone I had never heard of.  Curriosity got the better of me and I opened it up.  It was from a guy she went to high school with and they had some sort of relationship back then.  This was twenty years ago.  It appears that he searched her out on facebook and they reconnected.  They have been texting each other back and forth for the past 3 weeks.  He is married and having issues with his wife.  My wife has told me that an old friend of hers had contacted her asking for advise on how to help their marriage.  The part of their text that disturbs me is how they go back in time and talk about how they wish things had worked out differently.  They talk about how their feelings for each other are just as strong today as they were back then.
I feel guilty because i found this out by reading my wifes texts.  I love her very much and don't dont to lose what we have.  You should also know that we have a 6 year old daughter who means the world to us.

Dear Wendel,

You should not feel guilty about reading your wife's texts.  It was fate that you noticed the text and you absolutely need to know where your wife's heart stands with respect to your marriage.  If she is texting other men saying those kinds of things, then at this point she stands in need of repentance already and she should rightfully give you free access to all her text messages.  She has basically proven herself untrustworthy to that particular degree and she has an obligation to earn back that trust.

You  should confront her and say look, if you really, truly wish things had worked out differently then what are you doing in my house?  Marriage is defined by faithfulness and exclusivity.  If she chooses to break your trust and texts another man wishing things had worked out with him instead of you, then it's not marriage.  She needs to choose whether she will be married to you and live within the definition of marriage, or choose something else and pursue that.  Anything in between is cheating.  It's not adultery at this point, but it is cheating.

On the other hand you should consider that she may have been saying that just to "go along" or keep from hurting the guy's that case she's still wrong but the situation isn't as serious.  In any case it needs to stop.  It might be beneficial to help carry some of the load by asking her what she would like the two of you to do together to make your marriage the best thing that has ever happened to her, and to make you the one and only man of her dreams.  Let her know you are interested in making the marriage the best it can be, and she is worth the effort to you.

It's very nice to have the opportunity to help a situation that has not yet gone over the edge.  I wish you the best of luck!  If there is anything else you need you are welcome to give any relevant detail and ask as often as you need.  Thanks so much for confiding in me.  I'm sorry this took so long.  I'm working full time now and don't see my computer often enough!  So sorry.  Anyway feel free to stay in touch.


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I can answer questions about how to handle your position with a cheating spouse or one that has cheated recently. How to straighten up your life and get back on track one way or the other. My answers will include God because He fills the most vital part in your recovery. They will also include help with the decisions you will have to make to clean things up.


Was cheated on several times by the same woman. We were able to save and keep our marriage, and we will never have this problem again.

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