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Adultery/what to do now


My live in girlfriend just found out two days ago that I cheated on her once. My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year and have been living together for about six months. We each have a child 5 and 8 that live with us. Over the past two days she has gone from being in shock to being really mad.  She has gone back and forth a lot from telling me to leave to telling me that she wants me to stay. When she found out I sat down with her and she yelled and screamed and ask a lot of questions. I just sat there and answered all her questions and was totally honest and kept apologizing. Last night she told me she was done and I asked, well truthfully I begged her to agree to try counseling with me. She agreed. Both nights she has asked me to sleep on the couch which I did, but through out the night she would come get me and ask me to come to bed with her, and then would ask me to be intimate with her. After that happened last night she told me she really doesn't want to leave me, but is just so mad at me right now that she doesn't know if she can ever forgive me. This morning I hugged her good bye and told her I loved her as we left for work. She apologized for being so angry the night before and I told her that she does not need to apologize. I guess my questions is what do I do know to make the first step towards working on fixing this. I screwed up major. Hurt her really bad and never want to hurt her like that again. I really don't want to lose her. If after the first counseling session she tells me to leave does that mean it a all over? Do I give her more time then waiting to are of she changes her mind. She seems so broken up and I just want to do whatever I can to help her heal.

Dear George,

Step 1: Follow through with counseling. Don't wait for her to find someone and make an appointment. You do it.

If she decides she doesn't want the relationship, you have to abide by her decision. You made a choice to cheat. Based on that, she can make a choice to not be there. I doubt that it would mean it's all over. These things have a way of going back and forth for a while, but it could be that she wants a clean break. If she does, you should respect that.

What you can do to help her heal is be honest. Show her you are trustworthy. Do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it. Let her check up on you to catch you being "good." Be kind regardless of how she treats you. She needs to know you care no matter what. If you are moody and change your emotions as you change your mood, you will show her that you aren't trustworthy.

Finally, fix what made cheating possible to begin with. As long as that vulnerability is there, there can be no real safety.

Best of luck!

Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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