Adultery/Cheating with husband's married co-worker
QUESTION: It all started with this co-worker sending me innocent messages.
One day the messages became a little bit spicy.
At first I hesitated but then I gave in and started responding.
After one month of texting, phone calls and exchanging pictures, we decided to meet.
When we met, the sexual attraction was off the charts. We kissed plenty and touched each other all over but didn't have sex.
We agreed in meeting again but the day after that encounter, he told me that he was feeling very guilty and couldn't look at my husband's face. He said that if they didn't work together, that he would f*** my brains out but now needs sometime to deal with his guilty.
I don't know where this is going, but I would really like to continue seeing him.
I am giving him his time but I am having a hard time not messaging him or anything.
What to do?
ANSWER: Dear Lisa,
What do you do? You remember that you are both married and what that meant to you when you got married.
You remember who you are and what you value.
You recall what kind of person you are and what type of role model you want to be for your children (if you have any) or other people.
You care enough about this guy to respect his wishes.
You use this as a wake up call to figure out what is wrong in your marriage that you don't have this type of lust and excitement with a man you once loved.
If you have religious beliefs, you remember what those are.
You look at yourself and ask yourself if this is the type of person you want to be.
You imagine down the road what your lives will look like when your husband and the other man's wife find out about what happened.
What you DON'T do is pursue a married man.
It's normal to have your head turned when someone makes you feel special and pays attention to you. There is no shame in that. However, if that desire for attention goes further than you want it to, the price becomes very high. My advice is to use this as a wake up call and get your needs met through your marriage.
Best of luck to you,
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Thank you for your answer, Laura.
I have done a lot of soul searching these past two days. I feel terrible for letting him invade my life like this. He hasn't spoken with me in a couple days now since we met because he feels terribly guilty and I want to get this man off of my head.
It has been way too painfull for a "one month game" and I can't believe the level of importance that I let this take.
Will this pain go away asap? All I can think about is how unfair I was to my husband.
I need to know what to do to get this guy out of my mind as I can't stand the thought of him anymore.
Don't beat yourself up about it. What happened is normal. It's good that you stopped it just in time.
As for the pain, no it doesn't go away "asap." It will take time. The easiest way to pass the time is by doing something you love. Stay busy. An idle mind allows unwanted thoughts to creep in. Refocus on your marriage. As they say, times flies when you are having fun. So have fun. One day you will wake up and wonder what the heck you were thinking, but for now stay busy.