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Adultery/possible infidelity


Someone told me that my husband cheats on me.  The source is a non-Christian alcoholic.  She said she had physical contact with my husband.  She did not give details, she was drunk when I spoke with her which made it difficult to get much information from her.  She did make a few comments that lend credibility to her claim.  She is not claiming this is a "regular" occurrence, it's just something that happened a few times.  She is not claiming there is an emotional connection, she merely satisfied his physical desire.  The thing is...  I'm not sure what she would have to gain by telling me.  She's married and does not want my husband.  That leads me to believe there may be truth to it.  My husband and I have a very happy, healthy relationship, both physical and emotional.  He is a great husband - very caring, supportive, loving, affectionate, always home right after work....  So I do not know whether to confront him with the information without proof, just forget the entire thing, or ask this female to get me proof?  I've prayed about it and I'm looking for guidance from God but I keep dwelling on it.  I don't know if God is telling me to pursue it and try to get proof...????  How does a Christian woman handle this situation?

Dear Mia,

My recommendation is to establish your position as if it were true before you say anything to him.  In other words, if you find out it's true, what would you do?  Would you forgive and stay with the marriage or would you leave?

If you decide that even if it's true you would still keep your marriage and forgive, then you should tell him that a woman told you those things and naturally you want to know if there is any truth to it.  You could let him know up front that you plan to keep things together, but it will be impossible to forgive him if you do not know details about what you are forgiving him for.  Also, forgiveness has two parts.  He will receive no benefit from your forgiveness unless he confesses and asks you to.

When you talk with him you do need to make it clear in whatever soft tones you are comfortable with that what happened was not ok, and if he chooses to break his vows then what you have is no longer marriage, and therefore the marriage is no more.  You cannot allow him to feel like what he was hiding may now be ok because you suddenly know about it and you are quick to forgive.

If he has done those things, then it is tragic, and it should not be painted otherwise.

The other way of going about it is to go back to the woman and let her know that as a Christian you need to clear this incident out of your and your husband's hearts and minds, and to do that you need to confront your husband with evidence, and could she provide that to you.

Bottom line is you do need to get to the bottom of it.  The question can't remain, and if there is an actual act, it needs to be cleared and forgiven.

In the meantime, watch and be certain nothing is ongoing.  That will help clarify the whole thing as well.

If there is anything else I can help you with, please feel free to ask as often as you need.  Thanks so much for confiding in me.  All the best to you!


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The Man of Steel


I can answer questions about how to handle your position with a cheating spouse or one that has cheated recently. How to straighten up your life and get back on track one way or the other. My answers will include God because He fills the most vital part in your recovery. They will also include help with the decisions you will have to make to clean things up.


Was cheated on several times by the same woman. We were able to save and keep our marriage, and we will never have this problem again.

Purchase my book at and reading this alone will be a major relief to your aching mind.

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