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Adultery/Afraid I will lose everything


Here is the situation.  I have been in a longterm relationship with a man with whom I am very much in love.  Unfortunately I have been very foolish.  This man is not easy to live with and I made a mistake in getting involved with someone else.  I got quite involved and last December my live-in boyfriend found out.

He was very understanding and when it came out in the open I realized what a fool I'd been and how I let circumstances run away with me.  The situation is further complicated in that I have a 12 year old severely autistic son and the relationship at home was becoming very difficult.  That is why, alone and without family, I turned to this other man.  I have bitterly regretted it ever since.

I broke ties with him immediately upon it all coming out in the open.  I was worried even then he would not give up.  I saw that in his personality as I got to know him.  However, several months have gone by and I thought, well, that's it.  It's ok.

My live-in boyfriend is now my fiancee.  We are planning to marry in May.  Today I received a phone call from a friend of mine whom this other man knew about. He has been bombarding her with emails asking her if I'm ok.  When I broke it off with him, I told him not to contact me in any way, shape or form.  He went to great lengths to find her and has sent her several communcations.  She has not answered him at all.

I'm very worried he will keep this up and eventually come here to my door and ruin my life.  I don't know what to do.  Should I just ignore him?  Should I ask my friend to tell him I'm ok and to leave me alone?  Do you think he EVER will leave me alone?  I don't want to get a restraining order because I don't want any ties with him anymore and I don't want to open a Pandora's box and lose my last chance at happiness.  I know it was of my own doing.  I was not thinking straight, but that is no excuse and now this is coming back to haunt me.  

What would you advise I do?


Yes, just ignore him. Your friend should not respond at all. If you do not respond and he gets nowhere with your friend, he will eventually leave you alone. If he is successful in getting someone's attention, it will encourage him to keep trying.

My advice is to completely ignore him. You have no grounds (based on what you shared) to get a restraining order. Just ignore him.

Best of luck,

Laura Giles


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Laura Giles


Marital, relationship, adultery, children out of wedlock, divorce, custody, visitation, support, co-parenting, mediation, counseling, group counseling, step-parenting, pre-marital, and reconciling issues


I teach parent education classes and a group for people who are trying to strengthen their relationships in addition to providing individual counseling. I am the author of "The Other Child: Children of Affairs."

National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals
National Guild of Hypnotists
National Association of Social Workers
Honorary chairman of the Business Advisory Council
Virginia Mediation Network

The Other Child: Children of Affairs, The Daily Herald (Chicago), New You, The Journal Gazette, Almeda Times-Star, Tacoma News Tribune, East West Woman. Tidewater Women, Dimensions

BS in Human Services Counseling- Old Dominion University
Master of Social Work- Norfolk State University Licensed clinical social worker

Awards and Honors
National Registry of Who's Who in Executive Professionals

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